𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐒 [𝐓.𝐊]

Chapter 68

Aequipondium

Balance

Jungkook never thought this could've happened when he accepted Oliver's request to speak to him.

A man that, since they met, had looked as kind as he'd never seen before. A man that saw his curiosity for the major that went way beyond his common questions and who suggested walking with him through the gardens so they could speak more calmly. A man who listened and answered not to turn down any of his ideas or suggestions but to help them evolve so they could come up with a satisfactory answer together. A gentle, slow walking, peaceful talking, smart, and empathic man who could only resemble his father by his age and nothing else.

A man he felt a deep connection to because he resembled the father he'd dreamed of since he was refused that first-ever hug he asked for.

Not even his mangled heart could've allowed itself to think that same man could betray him.

Not even now as his wrist was being grabbed by a hand he thought gentle but which had the same strength and determination as Evans'.

Though, to be honest, Jungkook's brain and heart had gone through a lot in the conversation they shared downstairs, so he couldn't really be as rational with what was happening as this introduction makes you believe. Instead, his brain was split right in the middle between painful truth and blissful lies while his body froze over at the command it remembers so well by that one, lone grasp of his wrist.

- Where were you Thursday night? - Oliver asked again, holding him tightly. It sounded like he was overflowing with worry.

But why would he be worried? Why would he ask that? Why would he hold him like this? Why? Why? Why is he doing this? Why is he doing this?

- I don't know. - Jungkook spluttered the words at the floor as he tried to take a step back from his hold but couldn't.

Was he answering himself or him? Did he really know what happened that night or not?

Yes, he did. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. No, he didn't.

- Yes, you do. You do remember it. - Oliver held his wrist tighter when Jungkook tried to pull himself free.

Oliver? Was Oliver really doing this? It couldn't be, it couldn't be, Jungkook wouldn't be able to live through another betrayal, not by a man like Oliver. He is not Oliver.

- No. - Jungkook closed his eyes and tried to get himself free from the grasp of this person with the help of his other hand.

But this is indeed Oliver. So, if this is Oliver, does that mean that Thursday night really happened?

Yes, it did. He knows it did. Objectively speaking, he can see the memory of what happened that night up until Poppy and Oliver left. He does remember it, but he doesn't want to remember it.

The memory was there behind his eyes but not somewhere where he could believe it ever happened so he asked himself over and over, did it really happen? And because the question implied that it ever did, he says no, no, no, because he can't feel pain, he cannot, he hates it, he doesn't want it, he doesn't remember anything that hurts him, he doesn't, he doesn't.

- Evans scared you somehow. - Oliver was bringing to life what Jungkook wanted dead and so the latter tried to run from it, but Oliver grabbed his other wrist as well. - You ran and got a panic attack. - Somewhere in the back of Jungkook's broken brain he thought that Oliver sounded hopeful, and so, he begged him silently to stop whatever twisted attempt to make him remember something he wants to forget. It simply won't work.