St. James

CHAPTER 68

BRIAN'S POV

I watched as Jimmy leaned over and kissed my daughter's head, the tears in my eyes blurring my vision. I shifted my gaze to Callie to see how she was processing all of this and I was rewarded with the biggest smile as she reached her free hand out to me. Hastily, I wiped my hands on a towel before crouching down next to her, kissing her in hopes my emotions would be conveyed there because I had truly lost the ability to talk.

Vaguely I heard Jimmy chuckle as Callie's fingers speared into my hair, pulling me into her more as she deepened the kiss, causing a small groan to rumble from my lips. "Jesus you two, get a room" he laughed. I heard Allie using the suction device Jimmy had used just minutes before to clear our daughter's airway and I pulled away slowly from Callie to assess what was going on. I watched with baited breath as Allie suctioned the baby's nose free of some nasty looking gunk before she let out a loud, angry cry, her tiny fists flying up in the air.

We all laughed and cried as she screamed her little lungs out, angry at being disturbed from her warm cocoon. I turned my head to say something to Callie and felt the world tilt from underneath me. Her face lost all color, her eyes glazed over and her entire body went limp, causing the baby to slide from her arm. My vision went dark except where Callie was laying as I screamed at Jimmy to get the baby and call 911, I wasn't even aware of the blood pooling from underneath my wife as I scooped her up into my lap.

THE NEXT DAY

I stood there in a daze, staring at my daughter through the nursery window as the nurse assessed her from head to toe one more time before releasing her to me. I had absolutely no happiness left in my body whatsoever as I stared at this impossibly tiny human I was now responsible for. How the hell was I going to do this on my own?! I felt a presence behind me and I turned as if on autopilot. The guys stood there, sympathetic smiles on their faces as they one by one, gave me a hug before peering into the window I had just turned from.

"She's so tiny man" Matt stated in a hushed awe, his eyes taking in everything.

"Look at all that dark ass hair" Johnny stated.

"Does baby Gates have a name yet?" this question snapped me out of my daze as I looked back at Zack and nodded slowly "Madison Raye...Callie picked out the first name..."

"And I picked out her middle name" Jimmy piped up, his long, lanky arm coming around my shoulder for support. "Because she's going to be a ray of sunshine to all of us."

I nodded my head wordlessly, trying hard to not cry again as the guys walked back over and enveloped me in a group hug. We stood like this for several minutes, not giving a shit who saw us when the doctors voice cut through me.

"Mr. Haner"

I swallowed convulsively, breaking free from the group as I walked towards the doctor as if I was going to my own execution. He offered me a small, impersonal smile as he ushered me into a small room and closed the door. "Please, take a seat" he stated in an almost cautious manner, gesturing to the table beside us but I declined. "I don't want to sit down. I want to know what the hell is going on with my wife. Is she even alive still?!" I choked back the bile that threatened to rise in my throat, my fists clenched as tight as I possibly could make them.

The doctors mouth opened like a fish out of water, I saw fear flash across his face for just a split second before I dropped into a chair, hung my head and let out this god awful noise I didn't realize I was capable of producing. The door flung open as Jimmy bounded in, followed closely by the rest of the guys as they surrounded me. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM?!" Matt roared, his anger fully unleashed as I sat there and blubbered like an over grown baby.

I could hear more voices in the background but it all sounded distorted, like I was trying to listen under water...her parents had arrived from Georgia finally and I felt utterly sick to my stomach, as if I had been the cause of this. I stood up on shaky legs and approached her parents, trying to figure out just what the fuck I was going to say to them, especially her dad. Her mom pulled me in for a bone crushing hug, the tears already falling from her eyes as her dad shot me a look with total heartbreak on his face.

"Son...what is it?" God it killed me to hear him call me that. After everything we had been through since Callie came into my life I had no clue how I was going to tell him that she was gone, that my dreams had disintegrated into thin air. "She...she..." FUCK! I swallowed hard, stiffened my spine and spoke the words I never wanted to say. "She's gone." And with that I lost it. I didn't give a flying fuck who saw me or heard me, I bawled like a baby, Jimmy's arms coming around me so tightly I thought he was going to break my rib cage...good, I hoped he did. Maybe a rib would puncture my heart and this could all be over.

The room filled with gut wrenching sobs, so much that I didn't even hear the doctor speak up at first.

"Mr. Haner...you're wife isn't dead...we were able to get her heart back into normal rhythm...she's very much alive..."

And with those words I passed the fuck out, hitting the floor like a ton of bricks.