MFT 2/ Final Class

"You can't please everybody"

Why do I suddenly have feelings for Jan? It was just a kiss. A damned kiss. I noticed only after some time that while I was thinking about Jan I had already arrived at the apartment block again. Surprised, I opened my apartment and then entered. I let Shadow off the leash as usual and wanted to take a shower afterwards to sort out my thoughts. Before I could get into my bedroom to get some other clothes, Shadow was standing in front of me with a ball in his mouth. "I would love to play with you my boy but I really need to know how to handle the current situation," I explained and in response Shadow stood up on his hind legs and propped his front legs against my knees. "Agreed. Ten throws and I don't want to hear any whimpering after that," I agreed with Shadow and then threw the ball. I've always found animals interesting. Especially dogs. They can tell how you're feeling by your mood and body language and they always try to cheer you up. Shadow always gave me the feeling that I was safe around him and that he would always protect me if something happened to me. I was just as fascinated by the fact that after throwing the ball ten times, he would get tired and then lay down on the floor and close his eyes. "You guys have to be understood sometime," I said with a smile, going into the bedroom and then disappearing into the bathroom to take a shower.

The warmth that surrounded my body felt really good, but didn't stop me from my thoughts. Do I love Jan now or Kendall? With Jan I could show myself in public but not with Kendall at the moment. You can't count that as a selection criterion. Or perhaps nevertheless? I just don't know. Starting a 3 way relationship would be the dumbest decision of all. I don't want to sink to the same level as Viola. No. I just don't know what to do. My head seemed to literally explode the more I thought about the situation, but I couldn't stop my thoughts. They kept on thinking and they didn't bring me to a solution. With my hand I took my shampoo and massaged my hair with it. Then I spread the shower gel over my entire body and then washed everything out of my hair again with the help of the shower above me. Before I turned off the water, I heard noise in my apartment and suspected that someone was in my apartment. I quickly and carefully got out of the shower, tied a towel around my waist and then opened the bathroom door, startled. "What are you doing here?", I asked in shock, breathing quickly. "I was afraid something had happened to you. You didn't respond to my messages or to my two phone calls. Likewise, your car was in the parking lot and Shadow is here," he explained. "On top of that you decide to take the key from under my doormat and just enter my apartment?". I asked sourly, looking at him. "I'm sorry but I was worried about you Logan". "Promise me you won't do that again!", I ordered and looked at him. "Understood Logan," James agreed and looked at me with a smile.

"I know it's none of my business but did I interrupt you in an important meeting?", James asked and grinned at me. "What do you mean?", I asked confused. "I hope I don't have to explain to you now what guys do in the shower when they're not just showering or?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "I wouldn't be in the mood for that at the moment," I replied, and shortly after went back into the bathroom to put on a pair of boxers instead of the towel I had tied around me. "Has something been going on? You seem suspiciously weird to me," James asked, looking at me questioningly. "I'm not sure what to do," I started, looking at the tabletop in front of me. "Do you want to talk about it?", James asked me again, putting his hand on mine. I immediately flinched at the touch and pulled my hand away from his. "Okay, something happened," James stated. "Let me try to explain it to you this way. Have you ever had the situation where you felt feelings for two women at the same time?", I asked tensely, looking at him. "Yes, a few times." "Then what did you do in that situation?". "I got to know both of them. Did something with them and at some point we just ended up in bed," he explained. "And then?", I asked again. "What are you getting at?", James asked me again, looking deep into my eyes. "I developed feelings for someone else and now I don't know how to deal with this situation," I answered and got up from my chair.

"I see, and what are you going to do now?". "I just can't tell you, because I have no idea myself," I explained desperately. "We will find a suitable solution to your problem. Don't worry buddy. So, what have you done with this other guy so far?". "So far we've just been talking and.... oh, it's not that important," I explained, hoping James wouldn't ask. "What was that?" he inquired. "We... we kissed," I replied, feeling ashamed of myself. "I know your relationships are none of my business but does Kendall know about this?" asked James tensely. "I told him when we were in Texas," I explained. "Did you also tell him that you had feelings for the other guy?". "No. I didn't realize it until today when I ran into him at the park," I replied, sitting back down with James. "Do you have a solution to my problem?", I asked desperately. "This is really hard but, if it turns out that you love this other guy more than Kendall, I would leave Kendall if I were you," James explained. "What, I can't do that to him. I promised to always be with him and never cheat on him again let alone leave him!", I replied stunned. "Logan, I am speaking to you as a good friend. If you love one man more than the other, it's a stupid idea to be in a relationship with both of them only that you don't hurt either of them," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"What if it really is meant to be and I have to leave Kendall? He's going to be bitterly disappointed and angry with me. Kendall had his first time with me. I was the first one he could trust blindly, even if it was morally bad. My mother knew about it just as Jake and Presley now know about my relationship with my student. They despised me at first, but accepted me after a short time. What are they supposed to think of me now if I suddenly leave Kendall, the boy I love more than anything, for another guy? I'm scared that this boy will kill himself because of me James. Hell, I'm scared that he's going to kill himself because of this. What am I going to do James! It's all pointless what I'm going to do! I'm going to leave Kendall for Jan or I'm going to drop Jan and stay with Kendall and continue to live in fear that I'll eventually have to go to jail because this relationship has blown up! What the hell am I supposed to do now! I can't do it anymore!!!", I screamed from my soul and looked at James with tears in my eyes. "You should think about which one of them means more to you first". "Then I hurt one of them and then what?!". "Logan, you can't please everyone in this world. That's not your responsibility. It is the bitter reality".