Why do we Promise? 《Tomboo》

《Chapter 20》

Tommy POV

I got up out of bed and stretched.

"Jeez, how long was I asleep for?" I muttered under my breath.

I picked up my phone and checked the time. It was only 3 now, so I hadn't slept for that long. I yawned and then I walked out of my room and into the living room.

I saw Ranboo sitting on the couch still, just as I'd left him. I went over to him and was gonna sit down next to him....but then I remembered him being kinda mad. So I back tracked and sat on the other couch.

"What'd you do that for?" I heard Tubbo say.

I turned around shocked, "I hadn't realized you were there."

He smirked and sat by Ranboo, "Ranboo can I have a hug?"

Ranboo seemed confused, but I knew Tubbo was trynna get on my nerves. I rolled my eyes as Ranboo hugged Tubbo.

When they pulled away and I pulled out my phone. I scrolled through my social media and ignored them. Then I got a text from Julie and my hands started to shake.

I can't do this....

I was about to break down and then I got a call. I silenced it and let it ring. This happened every time her contact showed up on my screen. I couldn't bare the thought. I couldn't cry here though, so I quickly got up to go to my room.

"What's wrong Tommy?" Tubbo asked.

"He's fine." Ranboo sighed.

Fucking prick.....now he wants to be rude?

I walked to my room and closed the door. I sat on my bed and started to shake. I started to hyperventilate and it was hard to calm myself down. I felt like I couldn't breath. My heart rate fast and uneasy. My breaths short, quick, and unstable. As the phone vibrated in my hand I felt my view start to darken. I felt on the verge of blacking out and the tears in my eyes threatened to roll down my cheeks.

"Fuck..." I breathed shakily.

I don't know what's happening....why am I so...so fucking pathetic.....

Was it all really because of Julie? Or was the contact name just a trigger?

....it triggered all my doubts, worries, flaws, and insecurities.

I couldn't love or be loved....and it was all out of my hands...

The tears spilled over and left trails down my cheeks as they dripped down into my hands, few landing on the glowing screen of my phone.

The call finally passed and it felt like it had gone on for hours. The vibration stopped and my heart rate began to slow down. My breaths did the same and slowly my clear vision returned.

I took slow calming breaths and then wiped my face using my shirt.

I didn't want to be sad....of all the feelings, it hurt the most. So instead I'd be angry.

I stood up and gripped my head in my hands as I yelled to myself, "You stupid, useless, idiot!"

I didn't yell too loud, just loud enough to display the hatred....for myself. I'd never felt like this before...so hopeless and worthless.

I slammed my hand against the bed mattress so that I wouldn't make noise.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" I yelled to myself. Tears rushing down my face following trails the previous ones had left.

I was a pathetic mess and I couldn't stop. I went to my desk and rummaged threw the drawers. I found a mechanical pencil and I pushed the led out of it slightly.

I'd only done this once before.....and even though I'd never been caught...I knew it was wrong. I didnt care though.....it releaved me of the anxiousness.

Ranboo POV

I sat on the couch with Tubbo. We were watching 'The Office' and laughing. Tommy had walked off looking like he'd seen a ghost. Yeah I was worried about him, but he just wanted us to pay attention to him. Tommy was always like that.

As we were watching I heard few noises coming from down the hall. Loud, but quiet at the same time. Then there was silence and all I could hear was the TV.

"What do you think he's doing?" Tubbo asked.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure....should we check?"

"I dunno...should we?" He asked unsure.

"How about you go check." I suggested.

He nodded, "Okay."

He got up and walked down the hall. I got up too and stood at the end of the hall anxious. Tubbo opened the door.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Tubbo yelled running inside.

I was worried and ran after him. I walked in to see Tommy on the floor with a mechanical pencil. Dry trails of most likely tears and Tubbo holding his arm. I didn't quite understand what I was looking at.

Tommy held his hoodie sleeve, "T- Tubbo it's not what you think. It's not like that. I was just....just..."

I looked to Tubbo confused and he smiled, "I know exactly what it is....now stop being silly and get up."

Tommy seemed confused as well. He stood up and Tubbo laughed, "Ranboo, do you mind stepping out? I need to talk with Tommy."

I nodded, "Okay..."

I walked out and closed the door behind me. I walked to the living room and sat on the couch.

Tommy POV

Ranboo had just stepped out and Tubbo whisper yelled, "What the fuck was that?!"

"I-......I'm sorry Tubs, it won't happen again." I tried reassuring him I was fine.

He shook his head, "No, I can't trust it won't happen again...And I need to know why? Why are you doing this to yourself? And how long have you been doing this?"

I sighed, "Tubbo, you know I'm n-"

"I'll tell your parents Tommy." He cut me off.

My eyes widened, "I'll tell you soon enough, just don't tell my parents....or anyone for that matter."

He nodded, "I won't....now what can you tell me?"

I took a deep breath, "Its the second time. I've done it once before....I- I'm not quite ready to explain to you why."

He nodded, "I want to hear why, soon....If I don't...I'll have to tell someone."

I started to cry again, "Tubbo, I promise you I'm not depressed and shit."

Tubbo sniffled, "I know Tommy....I trust that much. But, I can't let you lock this door anymore. And you'll no longer be left alone for too long. Especially at night...I'm gonna sleep on your floor from now on."

"No, Tubbo....we should at least sleep on the couch. I don't want you to be uncomfortable..." I said.

"....Can I see?" He mumbled.

I rolled up my sleeve and he held my arm.

"Fucking five of them? Jeez Tommy." He said looking at the 5 cuts on my fair skin.

He rolled down my sleeve, "Can you atleast let me clean them?"

I pulled my arm away, "I'll clean them."

He nodded, "Okay."

We walked out and to the restroom. I cleaned the cuts with alcohol wipes and then water. I was gonna bandage them, but Tubbo said, "Its better to let them breath."

I nodded and rolled down my sleeve, "Tubbo, can we not tell Ranboo?"

"Not tell me what?" Ranboo asked standing in the threshold.

1,234 words
Thanks for reading :]
Sorry I was late, but I hope you enjoyed.
Later Gaymers and Gamers! <3