Hailey: *busts into Zander's bedroom* SEE MOM, I TOLD YOU THEY WERE MAKING OUT- oh.
Luke and Zander sewing little matching sharks for eachother: ...
——
Milly: your mid
Zander: *pretends like he's gonna hit ehr with water bottle* ur subpar
Milly *cocky*: psh. I don't even know what subpar means.
——
Hc When Zander and Hailey were younger they used to get asked a lot if they were dating bc yk they don't look like they could be siblings and they would get super offended but now they just think it's funny lmao like an old lady is like aww you two are such a cute couple and they are like dying laughing like "Oh- thank you so much" and Michael Shannon and Bethany think it's so funny
——
Jake: I'm 'eagle one'
Jake: Drew, your code name is 'been there done that'.
Jake: Hailey, 'currently doing that."
Jake: Luke, 'it happened once in a dream'
Jake: Milly, 'if I had to pick another chick'
Jake: Zander, your code name is 'eagle two'.
Zander: thank god.
——
(Before they were dating)
Luke: bro she's online what do I do??
Zander: idk
Zander: send a pic of ur dick
Luke: u first
Zander: ?
Zander: u send it to her
Zander: idiot
Luke: ohhhh
——
Milly in episode three: due to personal reasons I'm evil now
——
Hailey: if you have any questions, just ask.
Jake: if a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?
Hailey: if you have any relevant questions, just ask.
——
Luke: what am I doing wrong?
Zander: do you want me to answer as a boyfriend or a therapist
Luke: as a boyfriend
Zander: see a therapist.
——
Jake: hey
Zander: hey?
Jake: I can't sleep
Zander: I can. Goodnight.
——
Luke: ¿
Milly: I speak Spanish let me translate: ?
——
Jake: hey Zander! What's my name in your phone saved as?
Zander: bold of you to assume you were saved at all, 207-239-1234
——
Stacy: hey Luke?
Luke: yes?
Stacy: on a scale of one to america how free are you tonight?
Luke: North Korea.
——
Milly: when I die, donate my entire body to science.
Milly: except my middle finger. Give that to Zoey.
——
Zander to his future kid: when I was in Highschool your grandpa was my music teacher, but a lot of people didn't know that. So when he said 'just so you all know, I only sleep with one of your mothers', they all took it the wrong way.
Future child: ...
Luke: it's true, I was there.
——
Shannon: hats off to the waiter who kept a straight face as my 7yo ordered the vagina instead of the lasagna for lunch.
——
Liam: last time I dm a girl she made me a single father
Liam: now I'm stuck with this lame ass baby
Liam: I don't even vibe w it fr
——
Luke: I'm going to steal ur heart!
Stacy: aww that's so romantic!
Luke, an organ trafficker: just call me Romeo
——
Milly's dad: how is practice?
Milly: horrible I want to kill everyone
Milly's dad: ok just don't get any blood on your shirt.
Milly: your a police officer you shouldn't be condoning this.
Milly's dad: don't tell me how to live my life.
——
Jake: hey Zander, did ya miss me?
Zander: with every bullet so far.
——
Henry: if I get shot do I own the bullet
Liam: like, can I keep it
Drew: ...
——
Zander: I'm so thirsty
Milly: In what way
Milly: like do you need water or dick
Zander: both probably
Milly: hell yeah
Milly: aqua man's dick
——
Drew: I don't even like men fr
Drew *sees jake*: I want to lay in his arms
——
Hailey: what do you do when you see someone gorgeous?
Zander: I stare
Zander: I smile
Zander: and I put the mirror down.
——
Zander, apologizing to Luke after an argument: sorry I called you an idiot I was trying to flirt
——
Simps: Luke is so cool!
Luke: there's no water in this bottle
Zander: you need to open it first, smartass.
——
Henry: can I play with ur hair in a bro way
Liam: sit on my lap in a bro way
——
Hailey: Jake please! No one here knows we are dating!
Zander and Milly: yes, they do.
Long chapter MWAHAHAHAAAA
