The boy who's dream came blue

Breaking down 😰

Masons pov
I knew my anxiety is getting worse but no matter what I tried nothing was working lynd's scarf wasn't enough despite how much I wanted it to I couldn't help but feel I was holding her back I wanted her to know but I couldn't tell her it wasn't fair to keep burdening her all the time she didn't need that so like I've been doing the past few months and because I was beginning to tire of all the mental scars and I found my blade and drew it across my arms and I watched the blood flow out and down the drain and I repeated the process five times each arm and then I just slumped in my bathroom and I heard my phone buzz with a phone call I'd pick it up later and I allowed my eyes to Close all i could hear was you'll never be good enough to do anything you just cause trouble why can't you just grow up i stayed in my bathroom listening to my phone buzz repeatedly with calls and text messages if anyone really wanted to talk to me then they could leave a message and then I heard someone running up the stairs and my name being yelled MASON it's Nikki answer me love I just groaned and tried to respond but a barely audible gasp was all I could manage and then I heard a JESUS CHRIST MASEY WHATS HAPPENED your going to be okay sweetheart I promise you love and I regained some consciousness and through my tears I said oh Nikki I'm sorry I just don't want to be like this anymore you shouldn't have to be looking after me all the time or tiptoeing around me you especially since you have Blake now she just holds me don't worry about that darling aw god mason I'm sorry darling but I've got to get an ambulance out I can't stop the bleeding please can i tell mum and lynds they are so worried about you angel well we all are. and I weakly nodded and I could faintly hear the dialling tone and the automatic response message asking what service was required.good lad right I'm calling that ambulance now they will be here soon you'll be okay sweetie and then I'll be texting mum and lynds ok stay awake for me mason please hold my hand and stay awake darling can you try that for me your going to be fine I promise everything will be okay lovely I then hear the sirens signaling the ambulance approaching and the next thing i know I'm in the back of an ambulance hiya mate my names oli and this is my colleague caz we're taking you to hospital mate as you've got some pretty deep cuts and they will need cleaning and stitches have you taken anything mate don't worry your not in trouble honestly its just in case you need anaesthetic when you get to the hospital we don't want you poorly I shake my head no I haven't taken anything alright we're nearly there is this your sister oli asks i nod yeah the eldest of us got another sister and a older brother ahh your the youngest then yeah I am you've got a good sister in this one then yeah I'm close to all my siblings but I've gotten closer to nikki since I helped her have her baby aw your a wonderful brother to do that your mum must be proud of you and any girl will be lucky to have you as their boyfriend. Umm I've got a girlfriend and I'm the lucky one to have her I say aww how long have you been together 4 years aww young love that's proper cute caz says yeah I've loved her from the second I saw her when we were 6 ahh your in it for life then fair play right you were here so let's get you sorted out ehh and I'm wheeled through the hospital and into a small room caz and oli say good luck you'll be fine and the nurse comes in and says hiya my names Jayne and I'm going to be seeing to your arms is that ok. hi Jayne I'm mason and this is my sister nikki and yeah it's fine to see to my arms . Thank you mason nice to meet you both right darling can you hop on the bench for me and I'll just put this arm rest underneath your arm if you need to stop sweet let me know ok or if you want your sister to hold your hand that's also okay I nod right lovie we'll get started and she wipes my arms with antiseptic wash and begins stitching I just stare blankly at the wall and Nikki asks is it okay if she texts our mum to update her and Jayne nods well done lover nearly done just tidying them up then I'll stick a covering over them and then a doctor will see you In a second your going to stay in here ok then that way mum and anyone else can just come in ok I nod and say thank you mason it's going to be okay lover she says before announcing alright I'm done right I'll go tell the doctor your ready for him take care all of you thank you again Jayne bye mason and before the doctor comes in I sit up and the door opens and mum and lynds walk in I go to choke out an apology but all I managed was a short and simple sorry to her she replied back with darling don't apologise it's okay we're here and then I looked up at lynds I could see each and every teartrack left on her face i turned my face away I did that to her I made her cry like that I promised I'd never Hurt her but I broke my promise.I went to speak to her but she spoke first oh masey im so sorry baby it's my fault I'm so sorry I've been so much effort I haven't even been checking how your doing I've let you down badly before jumping up on the bench beside me and pulling me into her side and giving me a kiss You blame yourself and think you've let me down why are you so forgiving I ask her burying into her neck and lynd's replied with I have to forgive you I'm going to be married to you one day your mine mount nothing will cause me to leave you no matter how bad things get and she interlocks our fingers I'm sorry baby girl I tell her but oh my fuck I love you and I give her a deep kiss and she says I love you so much and more too mase and mum says see we're all going to support you love no matter what we'll fight this as a family and then the doctor comes in hello mason I'm dr Hugh now i want you to know that whatever you say you can say in confidence other than the three ladies in here with you currently I'm the only one that will know what's said ok and I nod it was a stupid mistake I let my anxiety get the better of me and I was tired of the mental scars and I didn't want to worry anyone about the thoughts I was having as my sisters just had a baby and mums got us 4 to look after and my incredible beyond words girlfriend here I nod towards lynds is more important than me and I hear 3 coughs of bullshit. I didn't mean to do this honestly or upset anyone and dr Hugh responded with I know you didn't mason I can see how much you mean to these ladies and it's okay to feel overwhelmed at times and do irrational things but the best things about irrational things is they are always a one off now I'm going to prescribe you a course of anxiety medication and antibiotics for the wounds and this is my card if you need to talk to someone outside of the family okay but I can see you'll be fine ok dr Hugh thank you. your welcome mason call anytime okay especially if the medication isn't working as we can adjust it until it does work and then he leaves and mum and Nikki both wrap me up in a hug right darling what do you fancy for dinner and I don't care what it is and how much of it you want have one of everything off the menu for all I care mum tells Me ooo so I can have domino's then and mum says yes you most certainly can baby boy and we head to mums car and I just hold lynds and I say to her thank you for not giving up on me baby I promise you I will fight this with everything I have and I'll never ever get this bad again.baby I meant every single word I said back in that hospital I wanted to call you mine for so long and nobody else is getting that privilege I'm marrying you one day regardless of your status that mount surnames mine .God I love you baby girl and we are all home and happy.everyone told mum what they wanted and then Nikki said did i want to go for a walk to the park with her and Blake to show Blake my football ball skills and I thought It might be a good idea to get a bit of fresh air but when I went to tie my laces it pulled on my stitches so Nikki helped me at first I was anxious about being outside but once I'd kicked the ball about a bit and me and Nikki had some time on the swing before mum texted nikki to say the foods on the way so we headed home but not before getting our signature calypso ice lollies and when I got back there was a welcome home sign on the mantle I was confused erm mum whys there a welcome home banner hung up no one's been away.Well it's not for anyone who's been away it's actually for someone joining the home on a permanent basis nope I'm still confused right darling who's here that isn't usually here but has been here more than usual err well lynds but that's it I say and lynd's sneaks up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist and She kisses me and mum says I can't hold it in anymore mason Lyndsey is living with us . The words cause me to cough in shock wait what mum you cannot be serious is she really staying here now forever mum please don't tell me this is joke .no fucking way and I pick lynds up and kiss her are you really going to be living with me baby. Yes baby it was so hard to not spoil the surprise I'll never have to leave your side again unless you want me too of course.stop talking I'm never letting you away from my side and kiss her again and gently put her down and run over to mum mum thank you for everything I've just put you through hell and you've just made me stupidly happy I love you so much mum and kiss her i love you too my darling boy and I told you love I'll do anything you kids need to be happy and now I'm happy I've got my complete family so welcome home lynds and Nikki Lottie and Ryan all join in the hug right get comfy as foods here and Ryan says witness your first feeding time at the zoo new sis shut up Ryan lynd's replies and the girl chucks out the sass her place in the mount house is officially claimed welcome home kiddo we ain't half missed ya and we ate our food and then went went up to bed and before I went through the door I said to lynd's come here baby i wanna do something and she looks at me slightly confused but her eyes are full of trust and love and I gently pick her up bridal style and walk her into our now shared room and I walked her over to the bed placing her down gently next time I do that you'll be in a wedding Dress and you'll have my surname baby I can't believe you are in my arms forever now I'm seriously happy and i let out a yawn right baby she says time for bed you we've got the world to take on together and she gave me a kiss and settled against my chest before kissing my arm my heart just felt like it could leap out of my chest and with a small sigh to myself my god I'm happy welcome home baby and fell asleep for the first time in a while genuinely happy