Listens to Memories | Voiceless Duology 2 | COMPLETED

Kabanata 23

Mishear

Cheating is not a mistake, it is a choice, yes. Everyone can make a choice and hurting someone's feelings by cheating on them is their choice. No one deserves any of it. No one deserves to cry every night while asking themselves, Am I not enough? But in this case, I know in myself that I am not a cheater. I do know my boundaries and I was setting them from the very first beginning. If they misunderstood it, hindi ko na iyon problema.

Calix remained his exhausted look on me. I can see a series of questions in his eyes. The pain, hatred, and anger are evident in him but the longing for someone he loves so much is much stronger than those feelings.

I tried to clear my throat but the more I do it, it suffocates me big time. I can barely breathe.

"He's here . . . with my son," I told him, my voice just betrayed me again.

Wala akong nakitang kahit na anong gulat sa mga mata niya. Sa halip ay ako pa ang nagulat nang makita ko ang maliit na ngisi sa labi niya habang nangingislap ang mga mata. The tears in his eyes are the proof of something I don't understand. Bigla itong tumayo at umupo sa may paanan ng kama, nakatalikod sa direksyon ko.

"I know, don't worry." I heard him say.

Ramdam ko ang pagkirot ng puso ko nang mahimigan ko sa boses niya ang sakit. Umayos ako ng upo at dahan-dahang nilapitan siya. Amoy na amoy ko ang alak sa katawan niya ngunit naroon pa rin ang pabango niyang gustong-gusto ko.

I hugged him from behind. Isinandal ko ang gilid ng ulo ko sa likuran niya. I can feel his heavy breathing and it is killing me inside.

"I want to call you to tell this to you but you weren't answering. Where have you been? You're drunk and tired, Calix." I softly said to him. ". . . and I missed you."

Ramdam ko ang pag hawak niya sa kamay ko. Akala ko ay gagantihan niya ang yakap ko ngunit mali ako. Natigilan ako nang bigla na lamang siyang lumayo sa 'kin. Sinundan ko ito ng tingin nang tumayo siya habang hinuhubad ang polo niya. Madilim pa rin ang awra.

"W-why . . ." I uttered.

"I'm sorry . . . Don't be mad, please. I needed this to think. Gusto ko lang mawala ang takot ko." Mababa ang boses niyang 'yon.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko. He was trying to lower down his voice. Gano'n naman talaga siya lagi pero sa puntong ito ay iba.

"I'm not mad, Calix. Why are you drunk? Kailan ka pa umuwi?" I asked him as I stood up to reach his buttoned-down.

Kanina niya pa kasi iyon ina-unbutton ngunit nahihirapan siya dahil lango. Yumuko ito sa 'kin dahilan para lalong maamoy ko ang alak sa katawan niya. He wasn't talking or anything. He just kept staring at me as I unbuttoned his polo.

Maya-maya pa, naramdaman ko na lamang ang mariin niyang halik sa ulo ko kaya napatingala ako sa kaniya. Sumalubong sa 'kin ang malalim na titig niya, madilim na awra at sakit sa mga mata niya.

"I had a drink with some of my colleagues. I just got here in the morning. I'm sorry . . ." He gently said to me.

Napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako dahil doon at saka tinapos na ang ginagawa ko.

"Hindi mo man lang ako pinuntahan muna instead of having drinks with your friends. I can't believe you." Hindi ko na naitago ang pagtatampo sa boses ko dahil sa iritasyon.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko. As if I'm not worried about him and the fact the he already knows that Kiel is here with his son. Pakiramdam ko ay mas nag-aalala pa ako na baka bigla na lamang tumungo rito sa Kiel at maabutan kaming ganito. Hindi ko ito nagugustuhan.