Joker and Harley oneshots and headcanons.

Bad Days.

Wordcount: 1,466.

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It was a cold, winter night in Gotham City. The streets were quiet, save for the cars and occasional sounds of crimes being committed, nothing new really.

The Joker was just getting himself home from a long-awaited meeting with another well-known crime Boss meanwhile his love awaited him in their shared home.

Joker growled as he parked his purple Lamborghini in the driveway. He roughly pulled out his keys and opened the car door, hastily getting out and closing the door.

He clicked his car key to lock the car, not bothering to listen for the beep, before walking up to the front door.

He felt as if all his worries got washed away when he walked inside their home and found Harley in the kitchen, happily humming to a song and standing by the stove. "Now what is she doing up?" he thought to himself. It had just hit 3 AM. "she'll mess up her sleep schedule."

Joker was content with watching her for a few moments, listening to the song she was quietly singing to herself.

"Pink rover, Pink rover, please send the coward over, and if that bastard whistles, put a knife up to his boner. Cut him!"

He couldn't help but chuckle. it was such a Harley song. She frequently sang it while they were torturing men who had disrespected her. It never failed to give men chills. The look of horror on their faces as she sang "If that bastard whistles, put a knife up to his boner," and "Bless me, father for I have sinned. It's been a week since my last confession And too long since these motherfuckers learned a lesson!" while having a knife to their throat always greatly amused him. His wife was an absolute badass Queen, and he wouldn't want her any other way.

Harley turned around, hearing his chuckle. "Puddin!"

Joker smiled as Harley rushed over to hug him, a big, adorable grin on her face. "Hi, Baby," he said, wrapping her arms around her back. She leaned up to kiss him. "I missed you so much!" "I missed you too, Princess."

Harley pulled away a bit, realising how tense his shoulders and muscles were. "You look stressed, Puddin. Did everything go alright?" Joker sighed slightly. "Not really, Baby. Daddy doesn't want to think about it for tonight, Okay?" Harley nodded, now having a loving and sympathetic look on her face. She didn't like when work got him stressed. She would have come with him if she could, but she didn't feel too good in the morning, so Joker wanted her to stay home and rest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, looking up at him. "Do you want me to give ya' a back rub or make you a drink?"

Joker smiled slightly but shook his head. "You're very sweet, baby, but I just want to have some cuddles with my girl." He had been thinking about laying in bed and cuddling up with her all night. that was all he needed for tonight.

"Well, alright, you can go lay on the couch while I finish making us dinner," Harley told him, kissing his cheek before walking back to the pan on the stove. "It was my turn to cook tonight, Harls," He said as she picked a wooden spoon back up and started stirring the food in the pan. "Just because I know doesn't mean I have to care. Besides, Bud and Lou are waiting for their Daddy to come and give them pets."

 - 

A couple of minutes later, Harley came into the living room, carrying two plates of fried rice. "Hello, babies!" she said to Bud and Lou while she put the plates on the coffee table. "Thank you, Darling."

Harley smiled at him and went back to the kitchen, returning a few moments later with two glasses and a bottle of red wine. "I know you said you didn't want a drink, but I thought you'd at least like some wine," She said, putting both of the glasses and the bottle down next to their plates.