Joker and Harley oneshots and headcanons.

Headcanons.

- When they're cuddling at night, Joker loves tracing Harley's tattoos and gently rubbing up and down her thigh. He doesn't do it with inappropriate intent, it's just something that relaxes the both of them. Tracing Harley's tattoos relaxes him, and the gentle rubbing relaxes her; like if he were to rub her back. Feeling Harley's soft skin also helps him remember that she's actually there with him. He had illusions of Harley whilst she was in Belle Reve. He'd see and hear her, but when he reached out to touch her, he couldn't feel her. It messed with him a bit, he'd wake up and be convinced that she was a hallucination.

- Joker has walked in on Harley doing many weird things with Barbies. Taking their heads off, sticking needles in their heads to make them into earrings, gruesomely pulling the hair out of their heads, pulling off their limbs for probably no reason other than personal enjoyment, also giving them piercings with sewing needles and tattooing them with sharpie...not as weird but it can get quite inappropriate. If he didn't already know she was batshit crazy, he'd be worried for her sanity. Her innocent, childlike optimism about it almost scares him. "Harls... What the fuck are you doing?" "Takin' her head off, puddin!"

- When Joker's away for work, he texts Harley every morning and night. "Good morning, my love. Remember to eat breakfast, alright? Don't forget again."

- Harley always falls asleep on long car rides. She doesn't bother to try and stay awake, because she knows Joker will carry her to bed like a little baby.

- Joker adores how Harley stretches in the morning. It's so cute to him. She just stretches her arms and legs as far as she can; like a cat that just woke up from a nap, then makes a content noise before snuggling back into the bed.

- When Harley doesn't like someone Joker is working with, she'll get him to leave their private booth for a few minutes, then cry wolf when he comes back. She knows all the right buttons to push to make him snap."Daddy! He's being creepy! He touched my thigh!" she'd cry whilst stomping her foot. Joker of course believes his queen when she tells him his business partner was hitting on her without her consent. Harley knows that she could simply tell him she didn't like the person, however, she finds it more entertaining to watch the raging uproar in his eyes as she whines and plays the victim. She also enjoys watching as the business partner scrambled and tried desperately to save his life; it was useless. Joker would always believe his precious darling over anyone else. She knew that she could get away with anything with a simple pout or a sweet smile.

- Harley kisses over Joker's face tattoos when he's sad; he rarely admits it, but she knows when he's upset.

- Joker loves how Harley's face contorts when she's confused.

- One time, someone had who had a "disagreement" with Joker, was able to sneak into SMILE AND GRIN with a shitty grenade as some petty "revenge." Most of the club was left undamaged, however, the dance floor was highly damaged and unusable. Without her dancing to keep her occupied, Harley became very disruptive during Joker's meetings. He felt bad just telling her to stay home, so Joker's answer was to place a colouring book and crayons in her lap. It worked perfectly. Harley could simply colour away, happy and entertained, and Joker got his work done in peace. It wasn't quite as intimidating to threaten someone whilst a grown woman was sat beside him humming and scribbling in a unicorn, but it was better than her tugging on his sleeve begging for attention.

- Harley was the first one to initiate cuddling. Joker didn't like it at first, but after a while, she unlocked something in him, and he became incredibly needy. Not that Harley minded of course; she was a big cuddler.

- Their necks are always covered in bruises and bite marks. Always. Neither of them care to cover them or at least make them look subtle.
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Lilmisspuddinpop.