Joker and Harley oneshots and headcanons.

Spoilt Rotten.

Content warnings: Mild (???) sexual content.

I kinda hate the pacing of this but whatever-

Wordcount: 1, 859.

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Harley moaned as she kicked her heels off, dropping her shopping bags by the door. Her feet were killing her. She pulled out her phone, sending a quick text to Ivy and Selina, telling them how much fun she had.

She left her heels by the door, picked up her bags with her tired arms, and walked upstairs to the bedroom. Where her J was. Puddin's probably missing me like crazy, she thought. She had been out all day with Ivy and Selina, leaving J home alone. Minus the henchmen. He didn't like it when she left him for too long. He got needy.

"Baby, I'm back!"

Tattooed arms were thrown around her the moment she put her bags down, pulling her against J's chest. She smiled, wrapping her arms around her puddin. Sweet boy.

Some would say their attachments to each other weren't healthy, but neither of them cared. After all, nothing about either of them was "Normal" or "Healthy" by society's standards, so why would their relationship be?

"Baby," he said, nuzzling into her curled hair. After getting her text that she was on her way home, he'd been impatiently waiting for her, jumping up whenever he heard a car or a door opening. He couldn't help but wonder what this woman had turned him into. He used to be a feared crime boss, and now he was jumping up to check the windows like an eager puppy waiting for their human to come home.

"Did you have fun, honey?" He asked, kissing her neck, just under her ear. "Mmhm, Red gave me some wine, she said I'd like it. Do you wanna try it later?" Harley smiled as he continued to place loving kisses over her neck. She wanted to get changed into comfier clothing but decided she could wait.

J nodded. He didn't care what they did as long as he had Harley all to himself. "I finished all my work, we can have all night to ourselves," he kissed her ear, admiring all of her earrings. He had bought her every single one. "Can we stay in bed? My feet hurt," Harley whined slightly. She never learned. J considered hiding all of her heels some days, maybe then she'd realise how much pain she put her feet through after being made to wear trainers all day.

"Whatever you want, my love," he said, kissing her hair. She looked so beautiful, he couldn't help himself. He frowned when she pulled away, leaving his embrace. "I'll be all yours in a minute, okay? Can ya give me one minute?" J begrudgingly nodded, watching as she grabbed a nightgown and left for the bathroom.

Watching the door close, J decided to grab the wine Harley was talking about, that way they could stay in bed all night. He rushed downstairs to get two glasses and placed them on the nightstand. He had to look through her many bags before eventually finding the two bottles. He eyed what was obviously lingerie in the same bag, there were a few seconds of temptation to pick up the lace and see it in full, but instead, he picked up the red wine. He didn't like Ivy, not one bit, and she didn't like him. Usually, he wanted nothing from her unless it was for Harley's happiness, but a night in bed with Harley, drinking nice wine sounded too good to resist. Especially after she was gone all day.

J had never been a clingy man, in fact, he wanted nothing to do with any sort of affection. Anyone who dared to even touch his hand got shot, but Harley had managed to turn him into some kind of affection fiend. Only for her affection, however. The thought of cuddling with anyone but Harley was still disgusting.

"My card wasn't working so I had to use yours," Harley smiled sweetly at him. She knew he wouldn't mind, he'd actually be quite happy. J has a kink for spoiling her, not in the sense that he really likes spoiling her, but in the sense that he quite literally gets a hard-on when buying her an expensive purse and putting large amounts of cash in her hands. Neither of them had any idea as to why he had this kink, but they had more than enough money to indulge in it!