Joker and Harley oneshots and headcanons.

Headcanons.

- Any henchmen that are around when Harley gets hurt on jobs are immediately killed. It doesn't matter if it's a scratch or a bullet hole, it's their job to protect the Queen, and they failed. If she as much as trips and scrapes her knee, they're paying for it.

- Harley loves smutty mafia romance books. J thinks they're absolutely absurd and complete misrepresentations of the mafia and crime, but he doesn't mind it because those books give her some rather enjoyable inspiration for in bed. Very enjoyable.

(This is basically just my recent one-shot "Spoilt Rotten.")
- Harley is absolutely spoilt rotten. (Hence the tattoo on her jaw.) J gives her everything she wants and never tells her no. She wants an entirely diamond necklace with her name engraved on it? "Of course, babydoll." She wants a 2 million dollar dress from a completely different country? "I already know you'll look beautiful in it, princess." J spoils her every chance he gets, giving her all the money in his wallet for her night out with Ivy and Selina, who tease her that he's her sugar daddy with more strings attached and buying her something nice for every date night. She rarely even asks anymore, she tells him what she wants and he gives it to her.

- When Harley has had way too much to drink at the club and is about to pass out, J lays her down on the private booth's couch, her head in his lap, and lets her stay there until she falls asleep or can at least stand up again. If he's still in and out of meetings he'll stroke her hair while he works, it helps him focus.

- The henchmen have learnt to knock before entering any room that J and Harley are in because there's a decent chance they'll be fucking. That is, if they can't already hear Harley's screams. They quickly catch onto the fact that their bosses are absolute perverts and will fuck anywhere, every chance they get.

- Harley doesn't read books very often because she needs glasses to read them properly and she doesn't like how she feels in them. The acid bath gave her something of laser eye surgery, but she still struggles to read things that are small, like books. J thinks she looks cute in her reading glasses, but she hardly wears them. He's tried over and over again to convince her she doesn't need to be ashamed of her glasses and that he can have some accessories custom made to make them feel a little prettier and give them more personality, but she won't budge. They make her feel like Harleen again.

(Based on my autistic Joker headcanon.)
- J will often hyperfixate on his plans, thinking about them every minute of every day, not being able to sleep as everytime he closes his eyes he thinks of something else that he needs to write down. He doesn't become neglectful of Harley, but it can affect his day to day life. He becomes so engrossed in his plan and perfecting it that he forgets about nearly everything else, even basic needs such as eating. Harley often has to pull him out, using several techniques from her psychiatric days to quiet his mind.

- J makes it known that Harley can always interrupt his work for absolutely any reason and at any time. Whether she needs his help with something or just wants to spend time with him, she can always come in and sit down.

- When J is in an online video meeting, Harley often makes an appearance, snuggling in his lap until she's gotten her affection fix, or sometimes "accidentally" taking a nap on him.

- Harley gets 24/7 princess treatment from J. He opens and closes the car door for her, buckles her in,  brushes her hair for her if she doesn't feel like doing it, tying her shoes, painting her nails, the list goes on. Harley has grown a serious princess complex after being with him for so many years and being used to getting treated this way. Some henchmen joke that if her and J broke up (which all of them know would never happen) Harley would remain single because no one except J would put up with her constant demands.
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No one will ever convince me that Harley isn't a completely spoilt brat with a princess complex. All of her custom jewelry, clothing and weapons alone speaks volume, I'm pretty sure the costume designer confirmed that almost everything was a gift from J. Plus that one part where Flag tells her to shut up and she just sulks and pouts, that was the face of a spoilt princess being told no for the first time ever.
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Lilmisspuddinpop.