Obsession

41

Fellow.
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It's been days since Jeongin had spat those words. Those days were long and dreadful. The part about him that he cared for was hurt because of him. At it felt awful, knowing he was the reason behind somebody's pain. He went past those days without eating, he couldn't get himself to do so. He looked at himself lowly, not knowing how he came to this point of pulling himself so far down..pinching his skin till bruises formed. Another proof that he only hurt himself in the long run. He was the cause of all of this, he just knew that.

Feeling ever so pathetic as he did. Hiding beneath the covers when somebody entered the room..most likely it to be Seungmin, knowing that Chan probably had distanced himself a good mile or two away from him. He had a book, given my Seungmin yesterday. Yet he didn't dare to open it. He felt ashamed to accept the stuff from them now, knowing he shouldn't have a right to do that. But yet here he was, contemplating whether to pick the book up. The cover of it really standing out for how simple, yet fierceful it looked. The title scared him, and he couldn't help but to chuckle ever so lightly.

'How to make friends with the dark'.

He already did that. He didn't need a further reminder on that. He was a piece of shit, and he didn't need another person, heck, even a fucking item to tell him those things. He was aware of it, he was ashamed, guilty and isolated due to his own actions of words. He never realized how much impact words could've have.

Until he spat those words at Chan. A part of him doubted if Chan just played it, or if genuinely meant it. But even thinking about that, made him feel guilty.

How dare he doubt the man's emotions. Chan wouldn't cry for the sake of manipulation..would he?

He was confused about that part..yet he still felt sorry. All he ever wanted was to just try and get past his life here in this house, waiting for his life to be taken so he could pass on to another one..one where he might potentially be happier than here.

Whenever his mother spoke about life and it's struggles, and how everybody had their unfair battles with demons at any age of their life time. She told him that some struggled so much with school they wouldn't be able to make it in the real world, other times she said that they struggled mentally. And sometimes financially. But she never mentioned this. She never mention being taken away from a parents hold, his job and life. But it was understandable. It didn't even look like he would pass by any troubles in his life back then. Being a stellar barista for a whole year, promoted to get higher pay as a normal adult worker. All something he never wanted to brag about. Sure he didn't do school, but it wasn't a struggle for him neither.

He fit perfectly into the world, his puzzle piece aligned with it. But now it was dropped, and somebody found it and kept it to themselves.

And as much as he wanted to hate the man for those things they did to him..he couldn't. Everything they did in the past had made him melt, as if it was a 1000 degrees outside. But it wasn't..in reality it was freezing cold, but he was blinded by the comfort, the soft words. And now he had none of that, because he managed to yell specific words that suddenly had once again..turned everything upside down.

He didn't know how long he'd be able to disappoint everyone around him. He didn't think any of this was fair, but a side of him tried to keep himself calm and collected.

The loss of hope never really made him feel a tiny bit better about the whole situation. He lost the definition of the word 'hope' a long time ago. It wasn't worth hoping for stuff when he was just being pulled down further into the darkness, that engulfed him ever so coldly. He just wanted warm, a home, a hug. He never wanted any of this. He never wanted the men, but yet he still melted at the their touch.

Seungmin for him currently was his biggest fear. After what he did, it was a terrifying experience for him, that he covered his mouth with the blanket and teddy bear before attempting to sleep. But even so, it haunted him.

"Innie".

Jeongin swung his head to the side, his eyes spotting none other than Seungmin, who stood with a small cup in his hands. The eyes that stared back at him, were bored. No emotions on his face whatsoever, it was just plain.

He waited patiently for the man to spit out his words, so he could go back to contemplating everything he even could think of. His head wouldn't work direct, he was far to lost in emotions to control them.

"Eat" Seungmin demanded, putting down the paper plate and a cup with water.

Looking at the dry bread, did not improve his appetite in any form of way. He felt discouraged to consume whatever they gave him. Fear and anxiety creeping upon him.

"No" he looked away as he denied. A heavy silence falling upon him.

"Love, eat" Seungmin responded, approaching the boy who had moved to furthest corner of the room, eyes expressing terror and fear. Shaking as he thought back to that night.

"I don't want too..please don't make me".

"I'll feed".

Jeongin shook his head, not wanting the man to lay a finger on top of him. He didn't want their food. He just wanted Chan to tell him, that he wasn't actually hurt by his words, and instead call him pathetic for believing the Oscar winning acting awards.

Yes, that was what he wanted to happened. He wanted to be told it was all going to be alright. That his words didn't affect Chan at all, yet he doubted they didn't. He wanted Seungmin to keep his distance, afraid he'd get haunted by the flashbacks and memories that wouldn't leave him alone already.

"Shut up" Seungmin spat angrily and grabbed the boy, turning him around so he had a hold on him. As he picked up the piece of bread.

"Eat".
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Merry Christmas loves♡.