Obsession

51

Decisive.
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It felt warm, soft, cushion like. Seungmin was a great cuddler. How come he reject all those offers of hugs and cuddles? When it felt this good. He couldn't help himself, nuzzling his face into the man's chest. Inhaling the fragrance of his cologne. The way his hands touched his body. He was dazed. He didn't ever want to leave this man's arms, even if the world was ending. He just needed Seungmin to caress him, to peck his head with his soft lips. To keep their bodies near and warm.

He already concluded that he lost himself a long time ago. But he still felt like he was losing pieces of himself whenever he opened up everything to the men. How he was pathetically curling up against the bodies that belonged to these men. Letting them grab onto his body parts as if they were mere objects. But he liked it. It was his destiny after all, right? To be wrapped around a finger, dancing on command if he had too. His whole life was taken away from him, and he didn't like it that much..well that was back then..cause now, voluntarily giving up his life was something he was willing to do. These men were appetizing to look at, pleasing to listen too. He couldn't even think of them as bad people anymore.

They were painted as victims in his head, romantic lovers that did everything to have him. And he just had to keep on loving them for the rest of his life. Then he'd be fine. He already survived for a long time, he could possibly make it till he was 20. Atleast he hoped so. He didn't want them to grow tired of him, that would be a waste of his effort.

"Innie".

He looked up at Seungmin, who laid there, peacefully, his eyes closed, breath steady, looking so unfairly handsome.

"Yes?".

"You okay?" The way Seungmin asked that, it made him feel like the man actually cared. It made him feel all sorts of funny emotions inside of him, like bubbles and butterflies flying and floating around.

"I'm quite okay" he smiled, wanting to touch his soft looking cheeks, but he didn't want to disturb his peace.

"That's good" Seungmin nodded, seemingly tired in reply. "Stop smiling".

"Why? Y-you look peaceful..it's adorable" Jeongin commented, gathering up his courage to hesitantly bring up his hands, his thumb tracing lightly over the man's cheek.

It felt just as soft as it looked, flawless and smooth. Of course Seungmin had a small reaction, opening his eyes to glare for a second. But Jeongin didn't mind that, he was lost in the touch, smiling stupidly to himself.

He has been smiling a lot recently..he realized that. Was he potentially becoming happy again? Knowing the cared and loved him? If so, he wanted it to stay exactly like this.

"Stop" Seungmin mumbled, yet he subconsciously moved his head towards his hands, clearly enjoying the affection he was receiving.

"It's soft..i-i like it".

"Don't praise".

"You don't like praise?" Jeongin tilted his head, confused. Especially because he himself adored being praised, he did everything he could to receive such words, so he couldn't really understand nor relate to why Seungmin disliked it.

"No" he replied briefly.

"Alright..then I'll stop praising you" he nodded his head at the confirmation, choosing to respect the boundary instead of going against it. After all, he didn't want Seungmin to feel uncomfortable around him.

He didn't know what else to say. Everything that came to his mind was potential sweet words, that would sound far to cheesy and cringe to most people's ears.

"Can I still touch your cheek though?" His stomach twisted as soon Seungmin pinned him down within seconds, so out of the blue that he felt genuinely scared for a second. Apologizing beneath his breath, not wanting to get injured or hurt.

But that wasn't necessarily the case. Instead, Seungmin just nuzzle his head into the crook of his neck. He didn't do anything else the resting it there, his arms wrapped around his body, leaving Jeongin frightened yet stunned at the same time.

Jeongin tried to comprehend what just happened. A went from being all peaceful and loving, to sudden fright, and now it was calm again. He blinked a few times, taking deep breaths. Seungmin was just a bit too heavy for him to relax perfectly as the male laid on top of him, but he didn't want to complain. Not when Seungmin was showing affection.

So he zipped his mouth shut, and held in the suffering. Keeping himself quiet and preoccupied with the surroundings of the room, that he had already looked at a lot.

"T-that was unexpected" he mumbled, out of breath as he hugged Seungmin back, resting his head against the many layers of pillows beneath him.

He figured out a long time ago that Seungmin preferred having more than two pillows on his bed. He had a bigger pillow by the headboards, following up by two regular sized pillows, and 2 more decorating pillows he mainly used to sleep on. 5 pillows for one person, yet he himself didn't even have a proper pillow. Maybe he could request that someday, or potentially wait till they gave him a proper one. He had a mattress and a blanket, a teddy bear and books. He was happy with that, by he would appreciate a pillow..or more to say, to sleep on a proper bed again, Mayne with Chan, or Seungmin. Even if he didn't receive cuddles, or only were allowed to stay at one specific tiny spot. It would still by nice if he indeed was allowed to sleep on their beds. Cause laying here on Seungmin's bed, it felt nice, despite the pressure of the heavy body on top of him.

"Sorry".

Did he just apologize?

He apologized..

But why did it feel wrong?

"I-it's okay..we can stay like this" he reassured, but Seungmin shook his head and sat back up on his knees.

"I'll lower" he nodded his his head.

"Lower?".

Confused, yet he got his answer when Seungmin backed down to rest his head on his belly, instead of his neck, the rest of his body laid between his legs, curling up in a fetal position.

"It's okay?".

"It is fine..just like before, b-but this is more comfortable" Jeongin replied with a smile, fighting with himself to not fall asleep, since he didn't know if he even was allowed to sleep on this bed.

But tiredness consumed him, ending up with drifting off to another world. Hoping to see them there.