Obsession

78

Be.
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It didn't feel like he was home. Despite everything being the way he remembered being used to be, he still didn't feel at home. He felt like he was just standing in another's family house, being a guest to stay there for some time. For some reason he couldn't settle himself down, his room was the same, a bit dusty, he figured his parents never cleaned it up. He looked towards a specific corner, memories flashing through his eyes. He started to cry, remembering every detail of how his abduction took place, how one of either Chan or Seunfmin stood there, in that corner, saying two words that never left his mind. He remembered how he was thrown down the stairs, how he crawled backwards and how he bumped into a pair of legs. He remembered that from that moment on, he was done for. He was such a mess now, he didn't even look like himself neither, and he hated it. He hated how he has been formed into a person that he himself didn't recognize.

"Hi Jeongin".

He turned around in an instant, immediately backing away up against the wall in horror, as he saw silhouette stand infront of him. He wanted to scream but nothing came out of him. He didn't want to look up, he was afraid..

Afraid of his own name, the name rung through his ears. He was used not to be called his own name for years, unless Chan or Seungmin was upset with him, punishing him. His ears wouldn't stop ringing, he still felt like a prey.

"Hey..hey, it's just me" the voice spoke, and through hearing that voice again, he gathered up the courage to look through his hands, the teary vision was enough to recognize the presence infront of him. Crying even harder as he realized who it was.

He felt warm, fatter arms wrap around his smaller proportions lifting him up in a small hug.

"It's just me little one..don't worry" the airy like voice breathed beside his ears. He could hear the hurt, the cracks of sadness in that voice.

"D-dad.." he mumbled, hugging onto his father tightly, sobbing as if his life depended on it.

"Did..did I scare you?" He asked carefully, rubbing circles on his back.

All Jeongin managed to respond with was to nod his head. He was put down on his bed cautiously. And he curled up into a ball.

"I came with a bucket of soapy water..I figured we could clean up together, you know..removing the dust everywhere, vacuum the floor and tidy up a bit.." his father spoke, as he crouched by his feet, looking up at the still shaking boy. "Would you like to help me? We could clean together, put some music on as loud as possible? Make your mom complain" his father laughed, and it made Jeongin feel just a tiny bit better at the offer. He missed the sound of music..he haven't listened to any songs for years now, he was deprived off so many things..it sort off shocked him. "Let's do that" his father smiled, reaching his eyes. It was odd to be back in such an open society, when he has been locked away for years, having little to no voice.

"S-sure..." he mumbled, nodding his head a bit as he stood upon his own legs, a bit shakened up.

He stepped towards the bucket with water and soap, two cloths soaked completely in the liquid formula. His reached down, getting a glimpse of his arms.

'Mine'.

He got startled by himself, looking and analyzing the letters. He first hated it being on his body, then he fell to love it..now..well now he didn't know what to feel about it, it for some reason comforted him a tiny bit, but also shot panic and anxiety through his body..remembering how horrifying those words used to be for him.

Eventually he grabbed into the bucket, picking up the wrath cloth, squeezing out the access water before he targeted the first place he wanted to dust off. The shelf with picture of him and his family, friends, and childhood photos of himself. It probably would be the best part to start the cleaning..but he specifically wanted that area to be done with. Even if he had to battle himself to avoid looking at old pictures of himself.

He started with cleaning off the picture frames, one by one, deciding to only focus on the frames, and not the pictures. He couldn't handle seeing his old self smiling brightly, it made him nauseous. So he cleared the area off of dust and potential bacteria. Killing whatever memories he had four years ago. He wanted to erase his own past, even the happy past, he wanted to make his past self dissappear, become unknown. He targeted himself, feeling guilty for never taking responsibility on his own. He didn't want to rely on other people anymore, even if it brought him comfort.

"Remember this song?" His father spoke, putting on a famous pop hot single as he started to dance to the intro of the song. The way his father was far more optimistic than his mother was, sort of cheered him up.

His mother on the way home, asked so many questions, she talked about how worried she was, and practically just vented to her son who was kidnapped for 4 years. He knew he couldn't blame her, cause his abduction definitely did leave a scar on everyone around him..but he couldn't deny the fact that he was definitely the most affected by it, he knew every little detail, saw and experienced all the pain and abuse, the love and the manipulation. They didn't experience that, so he believed that it was the wrong move for his mother to complain about her problem to him, especially after her son has just returned home after 4 years of enduring a ballistic amount of trauma.

So he was a bit upset with his mom, not really wanting to have a conversation with her, unless she would stop talking about the past. Which he really wanted to leave behind. But his father..his father was like a miracle this very moment. He didn't talk about how he felt, he didn't force him to speak about the abduction at all. He apologized for scaring him, then comforted him, and then cheered him up. He preffered that, he respected that his father knew better than to make him think about it more. Instead he distracted him, letting him get a piece of good memories instead.

"You alright there bud?" His father nudged his side gently, smiling down at him. And Jeongin felt a little spark of light inside of him.

He didn't realize he has been zoning out. Half of the song his father put on has already passed by, and he barely paid attention to him dancing around the room.

"Y-yeah...j-just getting warmed up" he responded, feeling a tiny smile return to his lips as his father continued to dance around the room.

Even despite his old age, Jeongin definitely found it amazing that his father still had a young heart. He aspired to be like that too. Being able to jump around and have fun, to be optimistic even in the worst of situation. He giggled at that thought. Happy to know that his father's joints and bones were still young enough to carry his own fat body.

This was the memories he needed and missed. And he couldn't help but to light up, following whatever his father did. He jumped around, swung his hips to one side to the other, his smile wasn't the biggest, but he was definitely having fun, giggling and laughing with his father. It made his day better...

The tiniest thing, like listening to music, seeing his dad happy, cleaning his room..it was actually fun.

He felt a bit..happy.