Obsession

91

Sourced.
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"Jeongin..it's not your fault. It was never your fault, you were taking away from the nice life you had..traumatized to the brink of where you would do everything to feel just the tiny bit of loving emotions, or happiness..your mind has tried to process too much at once, and I think that was what they wanted from you, the entertainment they found in you being oblivious and willing to do everything for them, so you could feel something that wasn't in particular negative" Hyunjin comforted the crying boy, holding him close in his arms.

It was almost overwhelming for him to experience the visions all over again of what happened to him. He felt so guilty for loving the two men when they hurt him do badly, it was almost too embarrassing to even admit to falling inlove with the cruel men.

"I don't want it too happen again" he cried out, curling up in the arms of Hyunjin who rocked him back and forth, his hands fiddling with themselves as tried to calm down his own racing heart, feeling it beat against his chest as if he has ran a whole mile.

"It isn't going to happen again flower..I promise, you are a free butterfly now" Hyunjin smiled, looking out the window he climbed through about and hour ago, having to comfort the crying boy in his arms.  "You know what my mother told me before she died?".

Jeongin looked up, tears running down his face at the mention of Hyunjin's mother, astonished to find out he has lost his own mother already..it made him feel sorry for complaining too much about his own problems, yet, he just spilled probably the most important information to his case than ever before, and it held him in a chokehold for good.

"Flowers needs water to bloom, to strengthen their life and to look as beautiful as ever..she told me that when I was beside her bed, her dying from a tragic car accident, I never took that quote seriously till she passed away, and never really knew what she actually meant..but that day I indeed found out what she meant.." he explained, fiddling with the box of cigarretes in his hands, before putting a single one between his lips, sighing before continuing the almost tragic yet beautiful explanation ever heard. "It meant that we all need our time to water ourself with our own tears to bloom and mature. Some people cry a lot, that just mean they need a bit more water than the rest to grow, and that's okay..others don't cry as much, or barely anything spills from their eyes, that means they've lived in a dried up dessert for too long, and doesn't particularly need to rely on other people as much, and that's okay. And others who cry in between sad events are people that matured a bit to young, yet are wise enough to spill their tears for the right people..and that okay too" he smiled again, lighting up the cigerrates between his lips, exhaling the smoke from the first draw before continuing. "Tears are our own most precious thing to keep, they may show our vulnerable side most of the time, but that's okay, it shows how strong you are, and how much we're growing..why else would babies be crying constantly if they didn't need certain things in order to feel well and happy? Emotions are the greatest gift we have received, we can be angry, sad, happy, feel the guilt and blame, or shoo it away, in the end, it is all okay..cause everyone feels something once in a while that feels scary to experience, but we wouldn't be alive without our precious emotions".

If Hyunjin wasn't beautiful before, he sure was now. The speech he gave definitely warmed up his heart, immediately wiping away hid tears as he attempted to cuddle closer to the man.

"Your mom sounds like she was a wise woman" he exclaimed between small hiccups, his eyes stuck to the chain smoker infront of him.

"She loved books a little too much in my opinion, especially really deep and portraying books. She never read up children books for me to fall asleep at night, she wouldn't hum sweet lullabies to me. But she would always give a small replica of the books she was reading, everytime she send me off to dreamland" he smiled at the mention of his own mother, and Jeongin felt like he was apart of it too.

"You said you didn't like your dad?..".

"He's an asshole...I never liked him, he would cheat on my mom, and she would rely on him for the sake of rent money. When she passed, we lived in tents at a local shelter for homeless people, meanwhile I worked to be able to still attend school and get a somewhat decent opportunity to be accepted into college" he sighed, dapping the ashes away from the cigarrete before he proceeding to take another drag. "When I got into college, I left him for good, I stole money from him to be able to rely on it, found a new part time job while I was taking classes in college, I never saw him again, and I deleted all the contact that I ever had with him..".

"You stole from your own father?".

"I had too, I had nothing else, the money I've earned went to school only, I needed the bucks to go further. If I didn't I would still be rotting in that tent, taking care of an irresponsible father".

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that.." he mumbled, feeling apologetic for Hyunjin's devastating lost, and being treated as if he wasn't even there. To Jeongin, it sounded horrible, he couldn't understand why a person could just let down a child like that, it sounded so horrible and cruel listening to the hatred the man had for his own father figure.

"Nah, it's my past, i don't have a mom, so what? I sure miss her, but she's not here anymore and she won't come back again anyways..and my dad is not even worth anything, I wouldn't care if he managed to even find success or if he was still rotting in a fucking tent, he could have cared for me" the anger that was left beneath the tone of his voice sent chills down the younger's spine.

Jeongin didn't know how to react, but his first instinct was to hold the other's hand, warming it up despite hid own cold and dreaded fingers.

"I wished I could leave Chan and Seungmin in the past too, but they are still nagging in my mind".

"Is that their names?" Hyunjin asked, exhaling the smoke from his lips as he dapped off the access of the cigarette again, the other hand comfortably rubbing against Jeongin's own hand.

"Huh?".

"Chan and Seungmin? That was your abductors name?".

"Oh.." he felt stupid, he just spilled the names of the ones who kept him captive for four years..but he guesses it was just yet another stupidly important information to spill to Hyunjin, but at this point, he just wanted it too be over with. "I-i didn't mean to spill their names. I think I need to wash my mouth with soap" he sighed, leaning against Hyunjin as he felt a bit sleepy.

"Tell me about them, maybe it could help get them out of your mind?".

It didn't sound like a bad idea, but he feared that there was bad intentions behind it. He breathed in for a second, holding the breathe till he felt like fainting before blowing up, his heart picking up in such a fast pace in such a short period of time..it felt torturous.

"C-chan..he..was sort of like..build? Very strong, too strong, and he had a bad temper, his face was scary, yet when he smiled he looked adorable..he was the one I talked to most..since he spoke..uhm..he was the one that greeted me out of the blue the day I got kidnapped..Seungmin was, uhm, quiet..h-he spoke in limited words, first it one word, then two words, and three..it never went past three..he was more cuddly..craved me a lot..b-but he was undeniably scary when angry" He tried his best to explain, genuinely feeling a bit relieved after talking about them.

"They seem bad..don't let such people fuck you over flower..".

"I'm trying".