Obsession

105

Connection.
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"I-i C-can't-" he panted out of breath, his eyes teary as looked away from Chan after holding his breath for what felt like an eternity. He looked at the clock on wall, counting how long it took till 12 am. He knew he was leaving with them, he knew he couldn't escape them anymore. They would just come back for more. He tried to deny taking off his blood stained shirt for 30 minutes now, receiving multiple threats from the older who demanded with a more dominant voice each time he repeated his words. He didn't want to take it off. The blood on his shirts was the only remainings left from his mother. The regret and guilt for what he did had him in a chokehold. He couldn't take it off, even if it was purely disgusting.

He wanted to scroll back time. To change his actions and mindset. He didn't want to live with the guilt of murdering his own mother out of anger, purely because of some arguments and disagreements. He should've have put himself in her shoes, instead of being selfish.

Chan was right, he was selfish. Chan was right about the fact he had to listen and give now. Even if nobody ever listened to him. He knew he only listened to himself, that he held that toxic trait close to his heart. But he couldn't let his voice go down. Not when he had a story to tell the whole world, even if he wasn't ready.

He wanted to apologize to everyone. To his mother, his father, Hyunjin, Chaewon, and even Chan and Seungmin. Hyunjin deserved an apology, because he always actually listened, but he never cared to take Hyunjin's affection seriously enough to even send a final text to him. He wanted to apologize to Chaewon, for not appreciating her gift enough, and never talking to her like he used to, he only used her place as an escape from his own problems..but never to see her. He wanted to apologize to his mother, cause he never bother even bonding with her. He never bothered to listen, being too caught up with his own self. And he wanted to apologize to his father, for having him look after him as he never gave his father a chance to even speak about he felt neither. He wanted to apologize to Chan and Seungmin, cause they were always right. He deserved all of this, yet he left them.

They were right. He deserved to be the one listening and taking orders. He was selfish and mean. An asshole.

He didn't deserve an apology.

"I'm saying this one last time before I force you. Take the shirt off, we need to get rid of it" Chan spoke through gritted teeth. But Jeongin stayed silent. Counting the hours till midnight, where he would go back to same routine again. Living controlled in a house with two abusive men.

He couldn't agree. Even Seungmin glared at him, not speaking a word. He knew he lost his trust by the silence he received.

"I can't.." he finally whispered beneath his breath. "Not yet".

"Seungmin, hold him" Chan ordered, as he let go of the youngers head, which he has been pressing down, into the mattress.

It didn't take less than a few second before he was restrained by the quiet man. As he started crying uncontrollably, kicking his legs in hoped he could keep his shirt for atleast awhile longer.

"You can take everything but the shirt..p-please..D-don't do this to me" he sobbed, his nails digging into Seungmin's arms as he cried pathetically in them. "Everything but this..please".

"Darling, we don't wanna hurt you, so just listen to us".

Listen.

He couldn't listen. He never did. That was what that made him a bad person.

"I-i promise..i-i'll go with you, if y-you let me keep my shirt".

There was a brief silence after his words. He waited for some time before he could feel a hand wrap around his waist, down to his lower abdomen. Feeling each brief touch as Chan pulled down the zipped of his pants, proceeding to unbutton it, before slipping the fabric off of his body. Feeling the cold air strike his skin made him tremple, having the slightest of hope he could keep the shirt just for a while.