Obsession

92

Heels.
__________________________

The days rolled over and over, and Jeongin had yet to figure out what to do with his life. He knew he had to do something, but even if he talked to Hyunjin over the phone, hanged out with him occasionally, he still felt like he had barely any purpose. He needed to do something, get something out of doing something. But he had no motivation, no urge to roll out of his bed. He wasn't okay.

And will he ever truly be okay? He doubted that.

He doubted a lot of things. Maybe it wasn't for the best that he came back home, but he wanted to deeply believe that. But he felt like there was a huge part of him left behind, a part of him that tumbled around in that house. There was something mysterious, something that vanished, something was just not right.

Everything was scattered across the floor. Not a single thing added up, and it entirely broke him for good. Who was he without Chan and Seungmin? He asked himself this so many times. But in reality the answer was so much more simple.

He was just Jeongin now.

He wasn't 'darling', 'baby' 'mine'. He was Jeongin.

That 16 year old boy who got taken away his precious innocence, the Saint that got painted by the sinner. He was 16 year old Jeongin, but he was 20 now. He was an adult, he couldn't deny it. It made him angry, desperate. He...he was just him.

Tears that stung his precious cheeks fell from his eyes one by one, but he didn't have the time to count nonsense.

"What don't I know? What's missing for fuck sake!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, strolling back and forth between each end of the room, hoping it'll solve his pathetic problems at last. He needed to think, but thinking hurted him more than it helped him. It was becoming so much more tragic actually being home now, than what it did staying with the two men.

Did he miss it?

Maybe he did, cause he certainly felt something. The way he escaped was just on impulse right? It wasn't even supposed to be himself directing him through all that chaos..himself wouldn't hurt him this bad right? With exposing him continously to the public. Himself would set him up for such a risky attempt in running away.

He was doubting himself.

Was he even alive? Was he dead? With a mind that managed to run the extra mile, to remind him of his cries?  Was he murdered? The same day he was taken? Was he just living the simulation of what his life could have been like if he didn't die? He was so confused. Was he starved till death appeared infront of him? Did he die from the torture? Or did he pass away when he was thrown down the stairs the day be supposedly got abducted?

Maybe he was dead.

He definitely didn't feel alive one bit.

"Jeongin-".

"Fucking leave!" He didn't even process who it was, he just yelled at the top of his lungs, shutting the person out. As he continued to panic in his room.

He needed to find Chan and Seungmin. He just needed too, he needed to confront them, talk to them. But how was he supposed to find them, he didn't even know where he has been the past four years. He needed to think, think of anything possible.

He needed to ask his parents..

He stopped for second looking at the white painted door with a straight face, shutting out the tears that threatened to spill.

"Jeongin?" The voice called again, and he couldn't help but to turn around now that it came from behind him, ready to yell at them. Till he met with a familiar chest.

Silence took over the room, he didn't dare to look up he wasn't going too. He made another mistake, this was bad..he was in big trouble. Nothing made sense. What happened? What was real..what wasn't real. He was so fucking confused..

"You need to calm down flower..you've been hit by a storm" that familiar voice brought him comfort, and Jeongin couldn't move.  He could only repeat the words beneath his breath.

But with a twist.

"Let's fucking leave" he glared into thin air, confusing the older who has been expecting atleast a hug.

"Where?".

"I-I need y-your help".

He concluded that he must go back to where it all happened, he needed to follow the same road to pick up the same pieces he lost on the way there. It was his last attempt to solute this once and for all....and he was going to hell for it.

"Jeongin you are confusing me..you just cried and screamed two seconds ago, now you're angry and quiet!" Hyunjin explained, his eyebrows raised in disbelief as he looked at the panting boy.

"I need to go back..".

"To them? Are you insane?! Man, you listen to me, it's a bad idea! I've already kept it quiet just so you can rest..but I refuse to send you back. flower, do you hear me?" Hyunjin explained as he pulled the younger back.

"No you listen! I will find my way there no matter what, okay Hyunjin? I need too, please? I need it, I really do please, just please!" He begged staring up at him with big eyes, begging to the brim tears broke out.

"You are fucking insane you know that? I can't do that Jeongin.." Hyunjin defended, trying to settle down the boy for good, but he didn't listen.

"No, no, no, no! Hyunjin! Do you want to fucking help me calm down?".

"Of course-".

"Then fucking drive me there! Please, I'm begging you, on the behalf of my body!" He pleaded again and again, till his begs were heard.

It got quiet again, but it didn't take long before Hyunjin finally answered.

"Let's plan it first...".
__________________________

I hated this chapter :/