Europa

May 9, 2048

Since I first accepted this mission, I've had many dreams about Europa. Last night I had my first nightmare about the upcoming mission.

I can't remember everything that happened in the dream, but the part I do remember is one of the drills hit a weak point in the ice causing the icy ground around our camp to shatter. When it shattered a sinkhole emerged and swallowed our entire ship.

The dream ended with me alone on Europa, with no way for me to phone home and tell my family I was alright.

I woke up in a cold sweat. I hadn't considered the prospect of being stranded at some point on the mission. Before now the only way I considered this mission going wrong was a fiery explosion like what had happened with mother. Now the prospect of being trapped on Europa, or any part of the solar system, was stuck in my mind.

The more I thought about it the more I began to slip into an existential crisis. The concept of being alone can be extremely frightening for a person, however in today's world you are never truly alone. That's true on Earth, but in space it's an entirely different ball game. If your communications go out, that is it, you are cut off from Earth entirely.

If something goes wrong and you need help you are dead. It doesn't matter how simple the fix is, you are millions of miles away. If your spaceship veers off course you better hope there's enough fuel to correct the error, or you'll drift off in the wrong direction endlessly until you reach another force. If you get sick or hurt and need a procedure you don't have the equipment to handle, you're going to die. Sure, you have your crew, but you're basically alone out there.

Just thinking about it makes me start to hyperventilate. I'm going to have to find a way to toughen up before my mental evaluation. For now, family board game night really helped me relax my thoughts.