Europa

July 26, 2048

I still miss Diego and Dad and think of them constantly throughout the day, however now there is a second feeling that has begun to build up within me. That feeling is anticipation, for what is to come. Now that we are finally here it is hard to wrap my head around the fact that we will be taking off to explore Europa on a rocket in ten days. No humans before this mission had ever traveled outside the asteroid belt.

One thing I learned today from Dr. Horvat is that the asteroid belt isn't actually this extremely dangerous zone of intense asteroids that has to be heavily maneuvered around, like in every science fiction film. While it is shaped like a disk, like the rest of the solar system the asteroid belt is actually quite spread out, and most of the larger asteroids are actually pretty well documented and tracked. Passing through it isn't much more difficult than passing through the rest of space.

To be honest that does ease my mind about going into cryogenic sleep to be honest. It would be pretty nerve wracking to go under knowing the ship would be on autopilot for the most dangerous portion of the mission. I don't let AI drive my car to work, I rather it not be making advanced maneuvers to get us to Jupiter.

Diego has been facetiming me every day and giving me weather updates on the day of the launch. Today I was nervous to see the early projections were predicting pretty stormy weather. I assured Diego that it was fine, but to be honest it was concerning me and the rest of the crew a bit.

The only person who seemed unphased by the potential weather issues was Commander Hunt who mentioned his second space mission encountered some pretty nasty weather at launch.

Personally, I would not feel comfortable with anything that was not a clear day. Obviously, I was going into that rocket no matter what, but if the skys were thundering I would be scared shitless. When I mentioned it to the group Taylor shrugged and said he did not mind so long as NASA cleared it. He added that back when he flew for the Air Force, he never questioned the weather when he was cleared by air traffic control. I took the opportunity to jokingly point out that my mother's rocket had gotten all clear.

The joke took everyone in the room off guard. By this point I was aware everyone knew of my relation to Diana Rodriguez, one of the three astronauts aboard the first attempted manned mission to Mars. It was a pretty well-known story around the space travel world, and even if everyone did not know, information like that travels fast.

After a few seconds I got a chuckle from Adams, who mumbled "that's fucked up," under his breath. Everyone else in the group looked at each other trying to determine for sure whether I was kidding or not. After they looked like they had suffered enough I assured them it was a joke. Adams continued to laugh, pointing out their expressions which got me to laugh. Jenifer also began to chuckle.

Richard still seemed taken aback. He'd known since we first worked together on the plans for a mission like this what had happened to my mother. As a younger employee I often wondered out loud if I had actually earned my position at NASA or if it had been given to me out of guilt for what had happened years ago. He also knew it was a subject I rarely brought up in general and certainly never joked about.

Part of me almost felt guilty for using what happened in a humorous manner. That was my mother. It was bad enough she had suffered one of the most horrific ways to die imaginable. If my father heard, I had said what I did he would have killed me right there. Still, it just felt like the right thing to do. For one it helped ease the minds of the crew. Second, it was important for me to show that what happened to my mother was not holding my mind back from the mission. Shit I didn't even remember it.

Deep down, if something does go wrong with this mission and I die I hope my son would find the strength to make light of the situation. Even if what he said would sound hurtful to me, who was I to judge. In this scenario I'm dead as a direct result of my decision to abandon my family. In that scenario I deserve all the shit he can throw at me. That being said, I don't have to think about that scenario. I made a promise and I intend to keep it.