Europa

March 11, 2054

While I nervously try to conclude why the first sample from the rover is hinting at a methane ocean, the entire crew continues to take turns doing various tasks at camp. I wish Commander Hunt would allow me to help, it would take my mind off things.

Today I was pouting about it on the chair in the gym when Adams made his way in. I got up and began to make my way out, but he said he'd actually come there to talk to me.

"Do you ever feel guilty?" he asked me. "You know, for leaving everything behind."

At first, I thought he was trying to set up some sort of twisted joke. He was always kidding. Then I looked up at his face and saw how serious his expression was.

"Of course, I do," I responded. "I feel guilty every day when I wake up, and every night before I go to sleep."

I felt for him. When he left home it was hard enough to leave his wife behind, but now he found out he'd left behind a little daughter. She was a bit younger at this point then my son was when I left, only he'd left her with no memory of her father. He hadn't even found out about her until recently and yet it seemed like she was all he thought of.

"I just can't help but feel like I belong down there," he added. "If I would have known-"

I stopped him. There was no point in speculating what would happen if we didn't step foot on that rocket. That was a thought that was six years too late. The important thing was we were here, and we had a purpose out here. I assured him he'd have a lifetime to spend with his daughter when he returned home. She'd be lucky to have a father like him.

Still, it must be devastating to get to know your kid through a video screen. It's hard enough catching up with Diego on that thing and not being able to see him in person.

Still, there's nothing we can do about it now. Even if that rocket fired up tomorrow, we wouldn't be home for four years. We had to make the best of our situation here while we could. We had the rest of our lives to regret the choices we did and didn't make.