Europa

June 3, 2054

We have taken the submarine back up to the top of the ocean and reconnected to the cable, but there has been no activity from above. We are just dangling here, desperately waiting for some form of contact from above. Even a tug like from a fishing line would be nice.

This is by far the most time in one sitting that I have spent with Commander Hunt and to be honest it has been pretty nice. It has not been nearly as bad being encased down here with him as I thought, although taking turns using the bathroom curtain shoot thing at the back of this submarine has been anything but ideal.

In a cruel twist we are running low on water while we float here in this little metal pod surrounded by it. To be fair like Earth's Ocean it isn't drinkable anyway.

I was embarrassed to wake up holding the Commander. While the submarine is heated it is pretty cold in here, and I wore nothing but my jumpsuit. He didn't make a comment. The water is icey cold and I think us waiting up here at its coldest point waiting to be pulled up is sending the heating system into overdrive. We will run out of oxygen long before it dies.

While our view was remarkable yesterday, with all sorts of amazing alien creatures, today there is nothing out the windows except the blue of the sea. We decided to shut off the head light of the submarine after a while of looking down at it. Light was not natural down here, and we should do the best to preserve the habitat of these extraordinary creatures. Commander Hunt mocked me when I said it, but he eventually agreed.

The lights in the submarine are dimmer, but they still allow enough light to see what you are doing. It's not like we were doing anything but waiting to die anyway. As depressing as it was, I kept rambling about all we had seen down in the waters below. I think my mind was trying to distract me from the inevitable, but it could have just been the little girl nerding out over the fact that we had just seen live, complex aliens.

To be fair Commander Hunt was also nerding out about what he saw, and he'd said way back in the day that he didn't really care about if we'd discover life or not.

When I tried to go to sleep all I could think about was Diego and Dad. I think it was my mind's little way of ensuring that I'd have my own little moment with them if I died in my sleep. I think it was just the anxiety of being trapped in the submarine for so long, but I felt as if it was getting harder to breathe.

I was also beginning to suffer from the cruelties of hindsight as my pod stood there dangling in the ocean. Here I was on Europa, and despite all the tragedies and setbacks I got what I wanted when I signed up. I got the opportunity to see alien life thriving in its natural habitat. I had seen it with my own eyes.

Back on Earth I would have traded my life for that opportunity, and now that I'd experienced it I was wondering if it was all worth it. This experience in the submarine, aside from the fact it would likely become my coffin, had been everything I'd ever imagined and more and yet I found myself questioning whether it was worth the lifetime I gave up being with my son. I truly wondered now that I had the answer to one of life's greatest mysteries if I would do it again.

Honestly, the answer is no. Maybe that is because the feeling of wonder is more powerful than the feeling of knowing. Maybe I will have a different opinion if I live to see Jupiter again, but for now as I lay here in this cold, dark submarine millions of miles away from home I feel regretful and unsatisfied. I don't think there could have been anything on this moon that would have satisfied me.

I have discovered alien life, but I had to abandon the life I created in the process. What kind of trade was that?