ALANA

48

ALANA

I spend the day inside his room. I feel heavy and wrong. Like something incredibly heavy is on my chest and I have not, the ability to breathe.

I lay in his bed, soaking my pillow with tears. What more can I do? I am so very powerless.

A knock at the door startles me, and I sit up and call for whoever it is to enter.

"Ciao tesoro, are you feeling okay?" Mama asks, walking in.

"Uh yes, Im fine." I tell. She frowns immediately as she reaches the bed.

"You've been crying? What's wrong? You were so quiet at breakfast too, Xander did something didn't he?" she frowns more.

I feel my lip tremble as more tears pours out.

"Oh! Oh no mia dolcezza, Cosa c'è che non va?" she says, her tone turns sad as she envelopes me in a hug. I cry softly into her for a few minutes before composing myself and slowly pulling away. "Come now, tell me what is it."

"I- I am so afraid of my father." I begin. "And I wish he never did the things he did, I wish he protected me, I wish he treated me like papa treats me." I hiccup, mama soothes me by rubbing my back. "But he didn't and I was powerless against that, but he is old now. I don't want him to be punished and hurt." I cry.

"I know I seem pathetic and crazy but he is still my father, I wish to never see him again, but can he not just, be sent away? I dont want him to be tortured you know?" I sniffle. "And I know I am just some girl, I don't have a say in the business, I was just stupid enough to ask Ares, and he told me the truth. But the truth just hurts." I sniffle.

"Oh no honey, of course you get a say, you are his wife. And what truth is this hm?"

"I have no right over him. I dont know why I had thought I could ask something of him." I sniffle again. Gosh I will have a drippy nose.

"That is unfortunate that my son made you feel like that, you are so good to him and you have a kind heart. I will talk to him-"

"No! No please don't." I ask. "I do not want to solve our problems this way. I need to learn how to make things better on my own. Please don't talk to him about this." I plead.

"Alright tesoro, if you do not want me to, I will refrain." she says, giving me a sad smile. "And you are not pathetic or crazy for wanting this love, you are very kind, you have a beautiful heart and it does not allow such barbarity. I think it takes mighty bravery and strength to want to free your abuser, sí? You are brave, never think yourself weak, okay?" I feel my heart become full at her words. I nod, leaning in to hug her again.

She smiles brightly, "Well I will leave you to get some rest, and I am sending some refreshment up here, you haven't eaten at all and it is almost dinner time." She scolds lightly then smiles again as she leaves.

She is the nicest thing that has happened to me. I truly believe it is Gods way of making up for taking away my mother and for my father being, well, who he was.

~

When dinner time came, I knew Ares would be back soon so I had quickly gone downstairs. I wish to not speak to him till I feel better about us. Right now, I feel we have no relationship, we are just two people, living in a room who sometimes talk.

Before, I was fine with this, but now as I get to know the world more, I realize married people act differently. They are close and have meaningful relationships. And they have soft spots for each other. They do things like go out on dinner dates and watch television together. The books in the library here are written now, in the modern world about healthy modern relationships.

And do not get me started on the internet. The amount of kissing they deem normal for couples makes me blush. I never watch those videos.

But we are not a couple. We are just two people who got roped into a marriage based on compromises and no real feelings.

So I have decided to just leave it be. I have come to terms with my life having no real happiness or the hope of this arrangement ever becoming a marriage. I will do everything in my power to make this as hassle free for Ares as I can.

Sighing, I reach the kitchen. I help out with dinner and then help set the table. Soon the familia comes in and we all sit around the table.

"Aaron, do you mind sitting in my seat? I would love to sit with mama." I ask him politely. He smiles.

"Sure Lana." he says, pulling out his chair for me to sit in. I smile up at him and he goes to sit in mine, just as Ares enters the room.

ARES

I cannot fathom why Alana is asking what she is. All day I have been trying to think of one good reason. I come back with absolutely nothing everytime. How could she possibly sympathize with someone who has hurt her her whole life. How can she want his freedom.

I hit the gas harder, hitting the floor as I try to release the tension in my bones. I don't know why I can't fucking shake the memory of her crying infront of my eyes, asking me for something I cannot give.

The hurt when I told her no. All of it is why I did not want to get married. I can't help but disappoint her because even though I have come to care about her I cannot ever be what she wants. I cannot ever love her and be a spouse. It is not in me.

When I reach the house, I am already late for dinner so I go straight to the table. But when I enter, Alana is not in her usual seat instead Aaron is in her place and she is sitting across from him, next to Ma. Annoyed, I do not say anything and sit down for dinner.

She quitely picks at her food the entire time, not speaking or eating. After dinner, she's the first one to get up and leave saying she will help with the kitchen.

I talk with everyone after dinner, but there is no sign of her. I have some work to finish up so I go to the study and even at 12 am when I go into the room, she is still not in. Fine if she fucking wants to avoid me than so be it.