ALANA

22

ALANA

As I stand infront of the huge mahogany doors, I feel my breathing become rapid. I am not ready to walk down this isle in front of what I can only assume is hundreds of people. And what awaits me on the other side is even more frightening.

I am aware that I am being ungrateful and bad. But I cannot help it. I feel as though the tight bodice of my dress is suffocating me. I am not fit to be a wife, let alone a Donna. I simply do not hold that strength.

Before I have the chance to calm, or delude myself into thinking I will be alright, the soft, beautiful music starts to play and the doors seem to get pulled open by magic.

My vision is restricted by the thin, transparent material of my veil, but I can still see the large hall filled with people who are standing, looking at me expectantly. I do not want to embarrass myself at all.

I say a quick prayer before I hear the planner whisper a 'go' for me to start walking when the doors finish opening. He had made me practice walking so I would know exactly how to do it.

Slow and elegant.

I start walking, holding the beautiful bouquet of white tulips infront of my stomach. Looking around, everything was perfectly white and pristine. Everything was so beautiful and pure.

But the universe was so cruel. All this beauty wasted on a union that was between two people who did not wish to be together. Where neither had a choice.

I look up at the altar, finally setting my eyes on him. I have not looked at him in days. I had forgotten how chiseled his face was. And how intense his scorching green eyes were. I take in a shaky breath, preparing myself as I finally reach the end, and he extends a hand in my direction, helping me up onto the altar so everyone could see me even more.

Again, I shudder, quickly taking my hand away as soon as I am standing in place correctly. God the tingling his touch leaves cannot be normal. I feel his eyes on me but I just stare straight infront of me. His jackets lapel has the Italian Family Crest on it.

"Carissimi, ci siamo riuniti oggi per testimoniare la benedetta unione dei futuri Don e Donna d'Italia. Non c'è niente che rende Dio più felice di quando due persone sono unite insieme è un sacro matrimonio." The priest starts. I feel like the air is being knocked out of me every few minutes, the pressure taking its toll. "Cominciamo"

(Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to witness the blessed union of the future Don and Donna of Italy. There is nothing that makes God happier than when two people are joined together in holy matrimony. Let us begin)

"Prendi tu, Alana Iris, quest'uomo come tuo marito. Prometti di restare al suo fianco nella malattia, nella salute, nella pace e nella guerra finché morte non vi separi?" He asks me making me let out a small squeak. It was quite enough that only Xander and the priest may have heard.

(Do you, Alana Iris, take this man to be your husband. Do you promise to stick by him in sickness and in health and for peace or war till death do you part?)

"I do" I say as loud as my closed up throat allows. I feel like I am going to choke on my tears.

"Tu, Ares Moretti, prendi questa donna in moglie? Restare accanto a lei nella malattia e nella salute, in pace e in guerra, per proteggerla dai mali del mondo, finché morte non vi separi?" He asks Ares this time who does not stop looking at me. I can feel his eyes on me.

(Do you, Ares Moretti, take this woman to be your wife? To stay by her in sickness and in health and for peace or war, to protect her from the evils of the world, till death do you part?)

"Sí, I do" His deep voice echoes through the hall.

"Ares, place this ring on her hand as a symbol of your protection and love everlasting" He hands him it. The priest has now shifted to talking in english.

My teacher in the 3rd year of my schooling had told me that is because the Mafia is very diverse and the guests are not only from here, but all over the world. It is why we all have to learn english and Italiano in the Mafia.

I furrow my eyebrows at my scattered thoughts. Focus Alana.

Ares holds out his hand for me to place mine on it so I do. He slips on a plain, thin gold band next to my engagement ring. They match perfectly.

"Now Alana, place this ring on his hand as a symbol of your love and devotion everlasting" He hands me a thin silver band, that looks exactly like mine but it is silver, to match his engagement ring.

I shudder at what the priest says. Promising my everlasting love and devotion to a man who wants nothing to do with me. It is a new kind of pain, one I was not aware existed.

"Now, that the rituals of the union have been completed, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you Husband and Wife" the priest declares. The ball in my stomach is growing and growing and I feel sick. "You may now lift her veil and kiss the bride" He says, stepping down and away from us.

My eyes widen, as I instinctively take a small step back. I cannot. He does not like me. Kisses should be out of love!

Before I know what is happening, I feel my light veil being lifted and fingers on my chin, lifting it up so we are looking at each other. My eyes meet his fierce greens as he whispers,

"They think we are in love, act like it"

Before dipping down and kissing my lips. I tightly close my eyes at the sensation, his light stuble feels prickly on my skin.

I hear the people clap loudly and some cheers are heard but it all sounds numb to my ears.

He soon stops, making me quickly take a few steps back so he does too, looking into my eyes, as if searching for something. But I am sure all he sees is the sheer panic I am feeling right now.

I swallow, my throat suddenly feeling very dry as the planner guides us to start walking through the bustling crowd as they cheer at us and throw petals of delicate flowers. I look at the flower petals on the floor as Ares and I walk with our arms linked.

We make it out of the area with all the people and I unlink my arm from his, walking in the opposite direction just a few steps.

"Why the fuck-"

"Congratulations! My baby is married" Mama enters with the rest of his family as they all start to congratulate us.