ALANA

97

ALANA

I love him. He loves me, in his own stupid way. But he does. And if he says he didn't doubt me then I believe him. He doesn't lie.

He should've still told me.

And he needs to work on his anger retaliation. There have to be boundaries.

I put my hand in his hair as he hugs my middle, sniffling as I start to speak.

"If I say I forgive you, this is the last time I am forgiving you for being rude to me." He looks up. I pull him up to stand so we're not touching anymore which makes him frown. "We're married, we're always going to have little arguments and issues here and there but if we cannot learn to express our concerns the right way, the small things become big and messy." He nods.

"There have to be rules."

"Rules?" he asks.

"Like if we're mad about something that we know is serious, we have to be open and upfront about it." I say. "We can't hide away our feelings and blow up all at once." he nods.

"Absolutely no arguing or screaming infront of Ace. I don't want him to grow up thinking he's in a negative space and cannot tell us things in fear of how we'll react." I say making Ares nod with a guilty expression.

"If you ever scream at him like that again, especially when he is so young and at zero fault I really will leave, that was not okay." I say, feeling my anger bubbling up.

"I know I am sorry. I will apologize to him and make sure he knows that it was a mistake and won't happen again, I felt fucking terrible." he sighs. I nod and continue talking.

"We can't throw things in each other's faces. We've been married for almost 3 years, we both know what kind of thing we're each sensitive about, let's not try add fuel to fire by bringing that in between arguments.

My therapist told me to remember that even when we're arguing we're on the same side, we're both trying to fix our relationship." I say. Maybe it will help him too.

"I know, I am sorry I don't know what happens to me I just become so blinded with rage." he shrugs. I can see the guilt eating him up alive and that makes me sad. Even when I am mad at him it is never fun to see him sad.

"I dont know why I do it but I know that no matter how mad I am I never want to see you sad or make you cry." he says.

That was weird. It's like he read my mind.

"Speaking of which, I know we both did well in therapy till a year ago but then we got busy and decided that we were good so we dropped it for a while. I don't want to pressure you but I think it would be good if we worked on some anger issues, you know, how to communicate our feelings." I shrug.

"You don't have to sugarcoat it baby, Im the one who needs help with that." his face drops a little. "Sorry, Alana." he fixes his mistake with a heartbroken smile making me frown. I walk closer to him, lightly touching his forearm. He looks up at me.

"You know I like being called baby." I say making him smile thankfully.

"Can I hug you?" he asks making my heart ache. I nod and melt into his strong arms.

"Im still mad at you." I mumble.

"I know." he says, squeezing me tighter.

"And don't think I didn't see those bruised knuckles." I say making Ares snicker.

"Daddy?" we hear a small little baby voice behind him making us break apart.

"Hey bud." Ares kneels down infront of our son who is rubbing his eyes from the sleep. Well bed time should be fun.

"You okay now? Did you pr- process the emotions?" Our son asks innocently making Ares looks at me for help. I mouth 'just go with it'

"I did, is that an r I hear?" Ares smiles at our son who giggles.

"Sí, momma and I wolled r's in the car today." he informs his dad. It's going to take a while but he's already so great.

"Thats great topolino." Ares kisses his head. I smile at his use of the nickname he called Ace when he was younger. It's silly.
(Little mouse)

"Listen bud, I want to apologize for losing my cool this morning. That was not very nice of me. I promise it will never happen again okay? I am sorry I scared you." he says to the 2 year old.

"Y-yes you weren't being very, um warm daddy. It was a little cold like when my blanket comes off" he informs wisely.

"Im sorry about that little man won't happen again." He says again.

"Pinky pr-promise?" he asks making Ares shake his head. "Momma said it's the strongest promise there is." he stutters a little on the r's still.

"She's told me that too. Pinky promise Ace, never again, or you mom will hit me." Ares says widening his eyes. Ace giggles.

"No momma nice."

"Yes she is." My husband looks at me with love lacing his eyes. Ugh this man and his handsome face. I can't.

"Alright, let's go get you a snack hon, that should hold you over till dinner." I say to my son, taking his little hand. I start to feel cramps again. Oh no.

"Daddy come with us." Ace gestures with his hand.

"Can I wash up first?" Ares asks him. Ace nods with a smile.

"Why do you have Winnie with you, have a bad dream?" I ask my son, just to make sure. He usually only carries his bear out of his room when he gets scared.

"It was dawk." he tells me as we enter our room, Ares going straight into the bathroom. My eyebrows furrow. I could've sworn I turned his night light on.

"Im sorry about that," I lean down to kiss his cheek. Ares comes out soon, changed and smelling amazing. "Can we check on Ace's night light before we head down stairs?" I ask my husband, placing a hand on my lower back for warmth.

"Sure baby, everything okay?" he asks, kissing my tempel. I nod,

"Yeah I think it might be out, I don't really want to go in there alone." I whisper. Ares nods understandably.

We walk into Ace's room and sure enough, his light isnt working. Ares quickly changes the bulb in there while I sit on the bed with Ace, who is looking at his dad with fascination.

"All donee." Ace sings when his dad comes towards us. I smile. "Daddy that was cool." Ace says to him. He smiles, picking him up.

"Yeah? I'll teach you some day." He promises as we walk down together. Cuties.