ALANA

49

ARES

It's been 2 days. Two fucking days. I haven't seen her in two days.

She out of the room when I wake up, in after I go to sleep. I know she's sleeping in our room because the couch is always slept in. She's not at breakfast or dinner. It seems she has already always informed mama because she's the one making excuses for her. No amount of asking where she is, has gotten me anywhere.

The hollowness of her absence is drastic. I did not realize that I am used to her presence in the room. Used to her shyness when I come out of the shower, her blushing cheeks when she does my tie, her squirming when she sits next to me on the dining table.

I had gotten addicted to it all, despite denying the marriage and saying I did not want it. I had now been utterly addicted to her perfume.

I just got home from work. Walking up to the room, I get changed and on my way back out, I see a book resting on the table next to the couch.

The library.

I walk fast down the stairs, towards the back of the house. Opening the door, I find her standing with her back to me, looking up at the shelf. When she hears the door, she turns with a book in hand, a gasp sounding when she sees me.

Seeing her after 2 days she looks more enchanting today. Her hair has loose waves instead of her usual straight and it frames her delicate face. Shes wearing a short black dress, her legs on display looking delectable. My eyes trail back upto her face and I lick my lips.

I close the door, she blinks as if breaking out of a trance. She looks away, down to her book then walks over to another shelf, out of my sight.

I walk over in between the shleves, watching as she pretends to look for a book. I feel a smirk quirk on my lips as I walk closer to her, watching her body tense.

"You have been avoiding me." I comment when I am close enough that her sweet scent is invading my senses.

"Why would I do that." she simply says, continuing to look at the books.

"I don't know gattina, that is what I want to ask you." I follow behind her as she moves around.

"I have not been avoiding you, you're mistaken." she says softly. Getting tired of her not facing me, I gently grab her wrist, pulling her to me. I push her back against a shelve, holding her arm up beside her head.

Her big, innocent eyes look up into mine, her full cheeks puffing.

"I know you are upset with me, but you can't avoid me forever now can you, gattina."

"Who am I to be upset with you, I have no right to be, nor a right to express displeasure to you." she says, biting her lip right after.

"Yeah?" I get my body closer to her. I hear her breathing pick up, "And when did you give up that right?"

"I never had it." She whispers. "I am no one, I should not have asked you for something when I have no place." she says. Her words cause a pit to form in my chest.

"Alana." I warn.

"No, I am sorry I stood before you and questioned your decision when my position in your life is no more than that of a finger, which is used to silence people." her eyes start to brim with tears as she speaks, her words showing the hurt in her voice and eyes.

"Stop," I groan, letting her hand go. "What you are saying is simply untrue. You are my wife, I will take your words into consideration when they are of sound mind. I will not let you free the bastard that put you in the hospital multiple times. That terrorized you so, you have nightmares every single night. You jump at loud noises, you flinch when someone so much as moves. I am not a big enough person to let that go." I seethe.

She looks stunned. Like she's just heard something unbelievable. Then she blinks, swallowing her tears.

"It's not about that, it's about my words not meaning anything to you. I understand, and that is why I do not feel like we should see more of each other than we need to. You are already in a position where you're forced to see me, sleep in the same room as me, even accept having a relation to me. Then you shouldn't be punished with my presence when I can help it. You don't have to see me in your room, your bathroom, your closet or when you eat or in your house. I have managed for 2 days, I can manage for however long this marriage lasts." Her words jab me like arrows to the heart.

"However long? What the fuck does that mean?" she looks up at me.

"Nothing." she whispers.

"So what? You're going to spend your life in this library? That's your plan?" I ask.

"It's what I signed up for. It's what I was destined for. It's what my father, a person who helped bring me into the world saw fit when he agreed to marry me off to someone who wanted a Donna, not a wife." she says fiercely. My throat feels dry. I cannot make out the words to contradict hers.

She is right isn't she? That's how I treat her. That is what I make her feel.

"Alana,"

"It is okay. I was not complaining I was simply stating. I am okay with this life I have made peace with us being nothing more than what we are on paper. I am sorry if in the beginning of our arrangement I asked for anything more than what a stranger should. You did not need to stay at the hospital while I was sick, that was unconscionable of me to expect, I wasn't, but I think you thought I was." the way she addresses everything, everything but the wrongs I have performed. My mistreatment of her. My violent behavior. She has every incentive to throw that in my face. But she isn't.

"Alana, I am trying to make this better, just let me-"

"You can't make this better. Better is not in my cards. I am doomed to be unhappy. I should've figured it out long ago. But now I have. Now I do not have to hide my efforts of not being where you are, from you, just if it is not too much trouble, I will be eating with everyone again, I dont want the family to be part of this. So go on, live how you wanted to live, free of expectations or the burden of having someone to take care of. You didn't want a wife, from now on, it is like you don't."

With that, she leaves, leaving cold air around the room and the presence of her lingering perfume.

The burden of making her believe she is a hassle, that she is unwanted is much greater than any burden I thought I had before.

Being married to her has caused me no harm. But I have truly broken her spirits. I have left her nothing but the feeling of being unwanted and it is killing to know that I care about her but she despises the day she married me.