might aswell be real- joão félix

vinte

I'm done with this I need to know what he was desperate to tell me, "okay, now that we've done all the friendlies what did you want to talk to me about." 

"it's about your dad," I roll my eyes. I thought it was important, my dad isn't important.

"if you want me to talk to him, I'm not gonna do it." Me and my dad have never had a good relationship, I've never really been close to anyone in my family, only my tio and his family. He hates me, my mum hates me, my siblings hate me. I'll never understand why but I don't care anymore. I used to cry myself to sleep over it but if they don't love me what can I do about it?

He puts his head in his hands and shakes it, "no you can't."

"what do you mean?" I'm so confused right now. He lifts his head up and starts tearing up. "What's wrong?"

"he's gone." Okay, so he doesn't live in Portugal anymore that doesn't affect me at all. Not like I ever see him, surely that's not what he means.

"what do you mean he's gone?" I ask for clarity. He's making no sense right now.

"he passed away just yesterday, he needed surgery but had no money." I start tearing up. My dad is dead.

"what? This this can't be true." I heard wrong. I have to have heard it wrong.

"Tati, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. This is why I wanted to tell you face to face." I suddenly wish I never knew why he called.

"no you don't understand. He called me the other day and he said he needed money, but he wouldn't tell me what for. I called him selfish." Tears flow out of my eyes uncontrollably, "I had a go at him saying he didn't care about me and just my money. I said I wished he was dead and now he's dead and I didn't get to apologize."

"ah sobrinha você não pode se culpar por isso." He puts his arm around me as I cry into his chest.

(oh niece you can't blame yourself for this) 

"no this is all my fault. If I had given him the money, he would still be here, plus I literally told him to die, I wished this on him." I choke out. I'm crying so hard. I haven't cried like this in so long.

"you weren't close, I can understand your frustration but please don't beat yourself up about it," he says. I try to calm down by taking deep breathes. 

I nod my head slowly. "No, yeah you're right, I can't blame myself."

He checks the time and his eyes widen, "oh my god, Tati I've got to go." 

"now!" He can't leave me not when I need him the most.

He stands up, "I know, I know. Please tell me you'll be alright."

"I can try," I know he's got an important job but I can't be alone right now.

"if you need to mourn with family just text me I'll fly you out to stay with us," he tells me.

"yeah I will," he hugs me and kisses my forehead before leaving.

Tears flow down my eyes. I go to my room and lock myself in. I never once thought I'd cry when my dad died but I never thought I'd be the cause of his death. There's so much I never got to say to him and I didn't give him the money he needed for surgery, my last words to him were I wish you were dead and now he is and nothing can change that. No one can tell me it's not my fault because it is, he didn't ask tio for money, he didn't ask my sister for money. He asked me and I didn't give it to him, maybe if I did he would still be here but he's not.

Joao's POV

Worried is an understatement. She promised she'd call me, it's been 5 hours, she hasn't called. I've called her 5 times, every time, voicemail. I've told Alba. She's not worried, she says it's normal for Tati to turn her phone off, which has calmed me a bit because she's known her for longer but still. Pedri keeps saying I'm in love like this is funny.

"what if she's cheating on me?" I'm overthinking everything. This isn't normal she never breaks her promises.

"why would she be cheating already when you got together yesterday?" Pedri says. Good point. "Just chill dude. She'll call back soon, she'll be here tomorrow. You can go a day without seeing your beloved Tatijana."

I sigh, I just need to distract myself, "yeah, your right, wanna play some FIFA?"

"he's back!" he celebrates.

im watching love island the cast is so bad and harriet is so fucking annoying

also who has any show recommendations i have nothing to watch at all

please don't forget to vote!!

enjoy hope you're living your best life cause i know i'm not!!