might aswell be real- joão félix

cinquenta e quatro

I walk into I knew I would have to talk to him today but not right now I'm not prepared, "oh, hi."

"hey, how are you? Cristiano told me you were taking drugs yesterday." He gives me a sad smile.

"I guess you know how I am then." I chuckle, this is so awkward.

"it wasn't because of me was it?" He looks upset, I'm not sure why though.

I shrug my shoulders, "partially."

"I really just want to know the truth, why your uncle couldn't give me advice, why he was acting weird." He starts the conversation we are both dreading.

 I sigh, "well I don't really know where to start."

"you have a kid." He starts for me.

"I had a kid," I pretty much repeat his words, "barely."

"what does that mean?" I can hear the frustration in his voice.

"I had a miscarriage Joao." His face looks even more upset than it did two seconds ago and I didn't know that was possible.

"what how?" He reaches out for my hand but I pull it away.

"well he used to rape me but I just found out in the conversation yesterday that he raped me without protection," I tell him avoiding any type of eye contact.

I can just imagine his eyes widening and him getting mad, "he raped you multiple times."

I nod my head, "yep. Anyway I was pregnant and didn't know it obviously when I overdosed on drugs and so when I had to go to the hospital they told me I had a miscarriage. I was confused because how? I mean before he was abusive we talked about having kids and the names would be Ali or Alia he wasn't supposed to know I had a miscarriage. Only me, Jr, Gio and Cristiano know and now you I guess, even Alba doesn't know, but he didn't know he just assumed I had a kid because he didn't use protection."

I'm in so many tears right now and so is he, "oh my god Tatijana. Never in a million years would I have thought this is what happened. I should have just listened to you from the beginning, I thought you had a secret kid that you hadn't told me about. I'm so, so sorry I acted like this."

"it's not your fault, you didn't know. It's something I never talk about, I didn't want anyone to know because it's my fault. If I didn't overdose on drugs, maybe I would have had Ali and he'd be here happy but he's not and its my fault," I start crying really hard.

"it's not amor, you can't blame yourself if you didn't know. I should have stayed with you." He starts blaming himself but that's not what I need.

"it's okay Joao I forgive you. I probably would have done the same thing," I say smiling. We finally talked it out.

"you are so brave, you know that? I can't even imagine how you felt during that so coming back from it and still managing to live your best life, you are a strong woman." He hugs me tightly. 

I'm so glad I told him, I feel better getting it off my chest. I never want to be away from him ever again whenever we argue I just feel like shit. "We have to go to Cristiano's room."

He wipes my tears, "why?"

"I have to give Alana her nutella," he chuckles at my statement.

"okay lets go." He kisses me softly wiping his own tears. We interlock our fingers and I grab the nutella as we head out to Cristiano's room.

this is such a short chapter sorry guys on a brighter side i go on holiday today but i promise ill still post 

my brother is being so annoying and i have to look after him for the whole day how fun

please don't forget to comment and vote!!

enjoy hope you're living your best life cause i know i'm not!!