might aswell be real- joão félix

vinte e sete

2 weeks later

It's safe to say I feel much better now. Spending time with my family really helped. Joao's called me multiple times, and I haven't answered once, I've spoken to Pedri and Alba a bit. I'm going back to collect some things before my flight to Germany this evening. I'm a bit nervous I can't lie, I don't know how they'll react but I've got to face reality eventually.

"I need to get more clothes, I'll be fine. I'll go get clothes and then go to Germany," I reassure them. They are more nervous about me going back than I am.

"see you soon," Cristiano gives me a happy smile. I can tell he's proud of me. I came here not being able to stop crying and now I feel like myself again. Don't get me wrong I'll always feel upset about it but now I can face my issues.

"bye guys," I wave at them.

"I'll miss you," Alana looks at me upset. I feel bad leaving them, but it's not for long.

"you'll see me tomorrow," I tell her.

"stay well," Junior says.

"I don't plan on staying guys it's fine," I hug all of them and take my suitcases out to the taxi. 

I get to the airport and put my headphones on. I get some looks as people recognize me but they ignore me, which I'm grateful for. It's a long flight but I survive. After getting all my suitcases, I drive from the airport to my house.

Nervous is an understatement but at the end of the day, they're all my friends so there is nothing to be scared of, I don't think. I take a deep breathe and open the door. I walk in closing the door behind me and hear voices.

"Pedri, I told you to keep the door closed," I hear Alba say.

"I didn't open the door," he defends himself.

"Joao?" She asks.

"I'm right here," he shouts back.

"who opened the door then?" I did but how did they hear it anyway and why don't they keep the door closed.

"is it a crazy fan?" I hear Pedri basically scream. 

"I've got a really sharp knife." They're all useless if they think that's going to scare away a crazy fan.

All three of them walk into the corridor and look shocked to see me. "I know I've been gone for a while but this is still my house."

"TATI YOU'RE BACK!" She hugs me and I giggle.

"you look so much better now," Pedri says. He literally has no filter.

"missed you too Pedri." He hugs me, "I do feel much better but I'm afraid I'm not staying. I just need to collect some more clothes I'm heading to Germany in a couple hours."

"at least stay for dinner," Alba says. I don't know why I was  scared. There my friends of course they wouldn't be mad at me for feeling better.

"you're cooking, I'd rather not," not to be mean but I'd rather Mateo cooked me dinner.

"hey!" She hits me.

"she's actually half decent," Pedri backs her.

"I guess it can't hurt to try. Let me just go get my things first," I tell them.

"Alba go with her, I don't need anyone locking themselves in their again," he jokes.

"very funny," I say, not amused. I look behind him and see Joao, I forgot he was here for a second. He's staring at me but I don't think he realizes it. I'm not ready to talk to him at all, I'm trying to face reality now but I'm not this ready yet.

"lets go," Alba says, taking me out my trance.

We go to my room and she hugs me again, "I really did miss you Tati."

"I did too," I give her a small smile.

"are you ready to talk about it?" She asks carefully. I know she's scared that I'll burst out into tears again, but I'm finally ready to talk about it.

"just don't tell Joao please." That's the only thing I'm worried about. He can't find out, not until I want him to know.

"I won't, it's your business to tell," she promises me.

"my dad died," I start.

She looks at me slightly confused, "oh Tati that's so sad, but I thought you didn't like him."

"I didn't." Talking about him in past tense is so weird but I'm going to have to start normalizing it. "He asked me for money but I didn't know what he wanted it for so I had a go at him for not caring about me. I told him I wish he was dead. Turns out he needed it for surgery, he died because I didn't give him money. I can live with the fact he's dead, I can't live with the fact I killed him."

"oh my god, I wish you'd told me sooner," she looks absolutely shocked and sympathetic. I can tell she understands how I felt and that's why she's my best friend.

"I know. I'll never get to terms with it. I'm surprised I'm not crying right now, I feel guilty that's why I've been so upset," I tell her.

"you know you can't blame yourself." That's what everyone has been saying to me but if they were in my position they would feel the exact same way I feel.

"sure," I shrug my shoulders. "But that's the only way I can look at it. If I gave him the money there's a good chance he'd still be here."

"well I'm glad you told me and your feeling better now," she gives me another reassuring hug.

"thank you for being patient with me." I'm so grateful I have friends that will support me, no matter what.

"it's the least I can do your my best friend and your always patient with me," she says. I put the last of my things in my bag. "Before we leave, when are you gonna talk to Joao? He's been bugging me about you everyday and it's not right what he did to you, but he does seem very guilty. I'm not saying forgive him but hear him out, I know whatever you do after that will be the right choice."

I sigh, she's right I can't avoid him forever but I just can't bring myself to have an actual conversation with him. "I just became happy again let me feel like this for a couple of days. I'll talk to him in Germany but I can't bring myself to do it tonight."

"that's fair, lets just have a nice meal tonight," she changes the subject.

"what did you make?" I ask slightly nervous but slightly intrigued.

"spaghetti bolognese," she tells me.

"okay I have tried your bolognese before and it was nice." It's literally the only thing I trust she knows how to cook.

"thanks?" I give her a nice smile.

"also don't get mad but I told Pedri before you," I tell her. In my defense I had no choice.

"what? Why? I'm supposed to be your best friend." She seems a little mad but I know she couldn't care that much.

"he said if I didn't tell him he would say that me and Joao were in a media relationship." If it was anyone else I know it would be an empty threat but Pedri would do it in his sleep, so I'm not risking anything.

"okay that's valid then," we go downstairs.

bro i was playing games in my imedia lesson so ive got ANOTHER detention in my defence my teacher is on the verge of death her veins are literally blue and she looks like a zombie

please don't forget to vote!!

enjoy hope you're living your best life cause i know i'm not!!