might aswell be real- joão félix

trinta e três

I'm currently sitting down and getting the finishing touches on my hair and make-up, I'm going on stage in 15 minutes, and I just finished crying over Joao 10 minutes ago. "What if I forget the words?"

"the whole crowd knows the words they won't notice," Alba tells me making sure my hair is in place.

"what if I see him?" I'm stressing about everything. I do this before every performance, I'm an over thinker it's just what I do.

"look away, there are thousands of people in the crowd trust me, you won't see him," Gio reassures me, but I'm still worried.

"I can't do this guys, I'm gonna throw up," I look around for a bin. I knew I shouldn't have eaten earlier.

"it's just like performing on tour, we both went to Rosalina, you even went on stage with her don't stress," Gio says. I agree. I do this all the time and I'm fine, nothing bad is going to happen this time.

I sigh and nod my head, "okay help me go get changed."

I get changed into my dress  and take a look in the mirror. I look exactly how I pictured and I feel confident. Gio comes up to me, "I'm going to take my seat okay, good luck you'll do great."

"thank you love you," I hug her tightly.

"love you too," she gives me a big smile and walks away.

I walk to the side of the stage and see everyone taking there seats, I look at the huge crowd of people, 5 minutes to go. Cris is there, the Madrid team are there, the Arsenal team are there, the Portugal team are here. Normally I wouldn't stress but I know at least half the people there are for me, not the first match. Then I see him in the crowd, he's talking to Bernardo but I can't do it.

"he's here." I feel tears forming in my eyes.

"nope, no." Alba shakes her head and wipes the tears from my eye. "You know who else is here Cris, Cristiano, Mateo, Alana, Eva, Gio, Pedri so don't even start thinking about him."

"but-" I start but she cuts me off.

"he's not good enough for you okay, look at me. Remember the best friend appreciation post this is one of the most important times of your life don't let him ruin it." She gives me a massive hug.

I calm down and I feel much better right now, "you're right."

"what songs are you singing?" She asks me helping me take my mind off things.

"the first three on my new album, then Keep up and Target," I tell her, knowing exactly how she's going to react.

She smiles. I chose these songs specifically because I know that they are her favourite ones. "Everyone's gonna go crazy."

"I love you so much y'know that," I hug her.

Ben, the director, comes up to us, "time for the stage, Tatijana."

"I'm going you'll do great," Alba gives me a reassuring smile before going to her seat.

"thank you." Ben hands me a microphone.

"do your thing," he gives me a big smile. 

I walk out on stage and see everyone scream and all eyes on me. I take a deep breathe, it's just like performing at concerts so I shouldn't stress.

I do what I do every time I come on stage, I introduce myself, hope everyone enjoy themselves this tournament and I start singing. Everyone knows every word of my songs, so they sing along with me. I don't mess up, it's so fun, I'm sweating and it's not even a full concert. The adrenaline just makes everything so fun. I completely forget about Joao and all my stress, I love the stage and performing, it's what I'm meant to do. 

I finally finish and thank everyone. I get off stage, grab a face towel and dab off the sweat on my face, I change into some more comfortable but still fancy clothes and when I walk into the corridor all my happy emotions leave my body in a second. "Tatijana."

"what are you doing here?" I ask the boy I've been trying to avoid for a while now.

"I'm here to talk," I roll my eyes. I'm tired of him wanting to talk after he's the one that's ruined everything.

"Joao we've been talking and it never ends well so just fuck off." I just wanted to have the best time of my life and I just feel like crying again.

"wait," he grabs my arm before quickly letting go.

"you're ruining my life. I've just had the best time performing and you've managed to ruin my mood, just leave me alone." I barge past him and see Camila. "Cam you came!"

I give her a hug. I know technically I've been ignoring her, but I still miss her. "I organized it and you won't pick up your phone, of course I came."

She's right, she's my manager for a reason, she's supposed to show up at all my events, "I was starting to miss you."

"you did so well I'm so proud of you," she give me a genuine smile. She's really hard on me sometimes but I know she only wants what's best for me so I love her support.

"thanks," I smile at her back. "I felt on top of the world performing after a while."

"trouble in paradise?" She asks pointing at Joao walking away.

I roll my eyes, I'm so over everything about him. I just want to move on with my life but I can't. "I'm just being petty, I'll forgive him sooner or later. I just need some space."

She gives me a small smile. "Well please forgive him soon because the media are speculating and you haven't been together in a while." I know she feels bad for me having to go back and act like everything's fine but I also know that I signed up for this and it's what's best for my career so I'm going to have to talk to him eventually.

it's literally half time and im posting so ignore that

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enjoy hope you're living your best life cause i know i'm not!!