might aswell be real- joão félix

cinquenta

2 hours later

"I'm tired I'm gonna go to bed," Cris says getting up from couch.

I nod, "alright goodnight."

"night Tati," he hugs me.

"thanks for everything." I smile at him, being able to talk to someone has really made me feel better.

"you too," then he goes to his room.

The second he goes I'm alone with my thoughts and I feel shit again. Every negative thing I've felt my whole life comes rushing in. It's my fault I got abused, its my fault I got a miscarriage, it's my fault my dad's dead, and it's my fault Joao is mad at me. Everything is my fault. Tears start streaming down my face and I feel the same way I felt when I was with Davi and the same way I felt when my dad died. Helpless and Guilty. My facade that  didn't even know I was putting up has all come crashing down. I go to the kitchen desperate for some pills, something that will take my pain away, I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I have no clue what they are but I bring them in the living room with me and take some before Alana comes in, out of nowhere.

"are you okay Tati?" She asks, I can here that she's tired though, I hope I didn't wake her up.

I wipe my tears, "I'm fine prima, shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I woke up," she tells me rubbing her eyes.

"let's go back to bed," I say giving her a small smile but she crosses her arms and shakes her head.

"why are you crying?" She asks and then stands there waiting for an answer.

I shake my head chuckling, "I'm not crying."

"yes, you are." Why does she have to be so intimidating?

"I'll be okay just feeling a little down," I tell her without elaborating.

"is this because of your boyfriend?" She's actually smarter then she seems.

"no of course not." I completely deny it because it's not true, I know better than to take drugs over a guy.

She sighs, "I know it is, you don't have to lie, do you need a hug?"

"yes please," I smile at her.

She hugs me tightly and gives me a kiss, "don't cry I don't like seeing you upset."

"I love you," I tell her. Her hugs actually do make me better.

"I love you more," I take her to her room.

"sleep well," I tuck her in.

"thank you," she whispers before I head back to the main room.

A few minutes later

Cristiano and Gio walk back in and the hug me, "hello sobrinha, how were they?"

"they were great, I missed them," I tell them without explaining the dinner drama because I don't want them to get in trouble tomorrow.

"are you su-" Cristiano starts before getting interrupted.

"whats on the couch?" Gio asks, I turn around and look at the pills and immediately tears start falling down my eyes because I don't want to drag them into my mess again.

"Tati," my tio says sternly just causing my tears to flow faster and harder.

"what happened?" Gio asked worriedly.

I wipe my tears, "nothing, nothing happened, I'm fine."

"if this is about Joao-" 

I shake my head, "it's not." I wish everyone would stop bringing him up.

Gio takes a step towards me and rubs my arm, "I'm worried about you."

I pull myself away from her touch, "you don't need to be. I'm fine, I'm great."

"sobrinha talk to us." I feel a rush of adrenaline pumping through me.

"about what I'm feeling perfect," I'm done with life and feeling like shit all the time but I can't help myself from sitting on the couch and crying. "I don't know what's wrong with me, I think I'm getting better but I'm not I think I need to go back to rehab."

"don't say that, you're getting much better." Gio sits next to me tears in her eyes rubbing my arm.

I shake my head, "I think I'm getting worse again. Ever since dad died I've just been rethinking everything and here I am one job take care of the kids and I'm in tears taking drugs again. I'm sorry guys I'm a burden, I don't deserve you."

Cristiano kneels down in front of me, "what, no, Tati never think for a second you're a burden to us, we love you so so much like our own children and we'll be there for you no matter what."

"I'll leave guys," I feel guilty so I just want to leave and let them get some rest. They had so much fun and for what just to worry about me they already have so much on their plate with the kids and the Euros and here I am making things worse again.

"no, please stay," Gio practically begs.

"yeah, I don't feel comfortable with you being by yourself," Cristiano agrees.

"okay I'll sleep here goodnight guys." Having no energy to argue with them I hug them tightly and they go to their rooms. I try my hardest not to think about anything so I just lie on the couch and fall asleep.

sad chapter sorry guys i dont know if i'll update when im in greece but i will try

please don't forget to comment and vote!!

enjoy hope you're living your best life cause i know i'm not!!