Our Small Miracle - Adopted by Taylor Swift

Part 57

Taylor's pov

That night was extremely difficult for all of us. I don't think a single person in the house got much sleep. While trying to settle Harper down at seven PM I had her clinging onto me for her life. I tried to convince her to get her pajamas on but she started crying and refusing. I knelt in front of her and tried to talk her into it but she refused. "Harper, what can I do to help you sweetie? What is happening in your mind right now?" I asked calmly.

Her little eyes filled up even more with fresh tears and this only made the meltdown worsen. She started shaking a little and reached out for me. It was becoming clear that she had gone silent as a way to put up a wall. She has done this a few times where she goes really quiet or even silent because she can't communicate how she feels to me.

"Okay, okay, honey. You're okay. How about I take you to mine and daddy's new room and you can have a nice warm bath and you can have some rubber duckies in there too and play for a little while. Then what we will do is go back to your new room, you can choose your pajamas and I'll tuck you in then read a bedtime story and stay with you until you're asleep." I told her. She wrapped her arms around my neck but I felt her nod her head against me so I picked her up and took her to mine and Travis' bathroom.

I got the bathtub filled then passed her a box of little rubber ducks. "Do you want to do an important job and put them in the bath tub for me?" I asked her. She stood up and nodded slowly, pouring them in. I saw a tiny little smile creeping across her face. I then undressed her and my heart broke at how small she was. I just wanted to help her and get her to where she needed to be but there was only so much forcing that we could do.

"Baby, you're tiny." I whispered.

She looked down and nodded a little then back at me. I put her in the bath but she started crying and tried to get out. She begged for me to get in but I didn't feel like it at all. It's only when she started screaming the house down that I knew it was about what she needed and not what I needed. I quickly grabbed a towel and a robe for after then got in with her. She immediately leant her back against my stomach and just lay against me for a while. I could see her pushing the little ducks around so while she was distracted I carefully washed her hair.

Once I had done that she turned around to look at me so I gave her a little smile. "Are you ready to get out?" I asked and she shook her head. She cuddled up to me and I felt her little arms wrap around me. One of them slowly made its way to her mouth and she tried to suck her thumb but I was quick to take her hand in mine.

I thought back to the first time that I got in the bath with her. It was in Paris when her stomach really hurt. I had worn a bikini because I didn't want to feel awkward. I absolutely hated that moment between us both, mainly because I don't like getting in the bath with her. It feels very uncomfortable to be sitting in a bathtub wearing nothing in front of a child who's known me for maybe 5 or 6 months. At the same time it is nice to cuddle with her and in a way it's our time for just me and Harper to spend time together knowing no one else will take my attention from her. It also helps her calm down.

I still don't fully like these moments but I've learnt to enjoy the time I have with her before she grows up. Eventually I made her get out and I quickly wrapped her up in a towel. I quickly dried myself off and put a robe on just to cover me up while I got her to bed, I decided I could get some pajamas on after she was asleep because I didn't want to leave her alone and worrying about bedtime for too long.

I carried her over to the new bedroom she has and let her chose some pajamas. She started refusing to put them on but I didn't want her to not wear any. Another meltdown started so I decided to put her in a pull up, just for precaution with the new place and her tendency to wet the bed when she's scared. When I tried to put the pajamas on her she screamed and started hitting me. The hits started to become even worse and soon she was scratching, kicking and punching.

Despite how small and young she is it still hurt and I immediately yelled for Travis to come help me out. I continued to try catching her arms in my hands but she was fast. Travis came over and sat beside me. We were both telling her not to hit but the attacks then started getting even worse. She even tried to bite me at one point so Travis managed to grab her hands and lay her down on the floor. He kept her hands in place while I sat beside her and gently ran my diners through her hair, trying to calm her down.

We went through deep breaths and she soon calmed down massively. She was still crying but not hysterically anymore. I looked down at my arms which were covered in scratches and small bruises that were becoming tender. In a few places she had even managed to draw some blood. I took a deep breath trying to keep myself calm before standing up and grabbing her weighted blanket and her blankie and bear.

"Okay if I give you over to mommy and leg go of your hands you don't hurt her under any circumstance." Travis instructed. She nodded and he let go of her hands, helping her sit up. He hadn't been holding on tightly at all so he hadn't hurt her in any way but he definitely made sure she couldn't just throw her arms around hitting us or herself.

I picked her up into my arms and carefully put the weighted blanket over her. She took the little bear in one hand and in the other she had her blankie. She carefully rubbed the corner of the blanket against her nose and let her head fall against my chest while she let herself completely calm. I tried to not put too much attention onto the subject but when she was fully calm I briefly brought it up.

"Okay harper, I don't like hitting and violence okay? You really hurt mommy and it's not very nice. I understand that it's hard for you to communicate how you feel but remember, me and daddy are here to help with that." I told her. She nodded sleepily and apologized before yawning. I carefully tucked her into bed and she started whining so I shh'd her and covered her up. I had promised a story but I didn't even have the energy in me so instead I kissed her forehead and turned on her nightlight before heading out of the room. Travis followed me out after saying goodnight and he left the door partly open.

He grabbed both of my hands and inspected my arms and took a deep breath. "Are you okay Taylor?" He asked and I nodded. I just walked away downstairs and joined Ellie in watching a movie. I tried to hide the small speckles of blood from Travis but when Ellie went up to bed he informed me that he wanted to help.

I followed him upstairs to our room and he gently washed the little scratches before kissing me on the cheek. I looked down and put my forehead down on him. "What's wrong, you're so quiet." He whispered. I shrugged.

"I just worry about her, that's so new for her and it's hard to think about the future. I want her to be happy but if she's not going to settle here then what's the point in this move. I want a baby Travis and there's no way she will accept that. What if she starts being violent when I'm pregnant and hurts the baby. And today when I gave her a bath, she's tiny Travis. She needs nutrients and I feel like I'm failing her because there is nothing more that I can do to help her. I just feel like such a bad parent." I told him. He just pulled me into the tightest hug ever and let me cry.

I didn't want to take her back to the nutritionist but it was going to have to happen. I don't want them to start speculating that we're not giving her food but I know she needs to see someone. She hates the gummies that they gave her originally and even refuses them so she needs something better. A friend had mentioned nutrient shakes so I could probably ask the nutritionist about that.

"Let's forget about all of that for now, that's something to deal with in the morning with a fresh mindset. You're upset tonight so your Mia is all over the place. Let's get you downstairs with Greys on and a glass of wine. I'll even watch with you today." He told me. I smiled and followed him downstairs. He made sure I was comfortable on the sofa before he got me a glass of wine and put the tv on.

It is great having an actual house to be in. I just hoped Harper would settle in soon. It was about 30 minutes before I could hear Harper crying through the monitor. "You stay here, I'll go." Travis told me, making me lay back down and continue to watch the tv.

That was the start of a very sleepless night.

A/N

Any suggestions on how Taylor can help settle harper in to the new home would be much appreciated!

I hope you enjoyed please let me know your thoughts!