Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Anea } The Lycan's Flame

Client: hazel_gliipps

Reviewer: MsGlaze

A Note to the Author:

Before diving into this review, I want to acknowledge the dedication, time, and vulnerability it takes to write a book. Every story is a labour of love, and sharing it with the world is no small feat. This review is offered with genuine respect for your work and with the hope that any feedback, positive or constructive, will be helpful and encouraging. Please know that my intent is never to offend, but to engage thoughtfully and supportively. Every writer is on a journey, and I'm honoured to be a small part of yours through this review.

This is a chapter-by-chapter review of your book, offered with the intent to highlight both the strengths and areas for growth in each section. While the grading provides an overview, this review aims to offer more detailed, thoughtful reflections that may not be fully captured in the grading section.

Chapter 1: I've already discussed the hook of the story in detail, so I'll focus on this particular line: "Blackthorn isn't your average college." It doesn't quite land the way it should. In fiction—especially stories with a third-person narrative—it's unusual to address the reader directly using the second person, unless it's a self-insert or Y/N-style story, which this clearly isn't. That use of "your" breaks the immersion just a little. It's also inconsistent with the tone and style established elsewhere in the piece, where the narration stays closely tied to the characters' perspectives and doesn't really engage the reader directly.

A cleaner, more fitting alternative would be: "Blackthorn was no ordinary college." It keeps the statement bold and intriguing, but it aligns more naturally with the rest of the narrative tone. It also has a slightly more mysterious or dramatic edge, which I assume is the intent, especially given the nature of what follows.

Speaking of what follows, the information that comes next does a good job of raising questions about her past. There's a sense of something hidden or unsettled, and the way it's written suggests there are things the protagonist either can't or won't talk about yet, which is a great way to build intrigue. That layering of mystery works well, and the pacing feels just right at this stage.

Also, I want to say your writing style overall is quite fun. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and that makes the darker or more intense moments stand out more when they do hit. I especially liked the line "Only fun, party vibes allowed," used to describe humans—it's punchy, light, and subtly ironic. Lines like that give the story its personality and help memorably define the tone.

So in short: that one line could use some tweaking for consistency and voice, but otherwise, you're striking a really good balance between mystery and attitude. Keep leaning into that voice—it's sharp and engaging, and it gives the story a clear sense of identity.

On another note, I have to say—her fashion sense is great. It gives her character an extra layer of personality without being over-described. It's stylish but feels effortless, which is always a win. As for physical attributes like her red hair, those can definitely be revealed more organically through the story. If you feel the need to introduce it early, a good option would be to break the paragraph into two parts so it doesn't feel like a block of information. That way, it's easier to digest and gives the details space to land.

The use of literary devices, like similes, is always refreshing to see. They're not overdone here, which I appreciate—they add flair without drawing too much attention to themselves. Her inner thoughts, especially the ones around the concept of a mate, are compelling. There's this undercurrent of vulnerability and resistance that makes her interesting. Kara is shaping up to be quite a badass character right here, and the confidence laced through her thoughts and actions is definitely working in her favour.