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✦ { June } Fate And Love

Client: Esha_Writes

Reviewer: june_berrin

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

❥ Title/Cover: The title is typical and clearly hints that it belongs to a romance story. The cover is just a collage of some pictures of some couples; even though it still adheres well to the romance genre, it does not look like a cover. Some of the images even overlapped one another in the wrong places, so I highly recommend that you change the cover and maybe order it from a graphic shop, as covers are one of the first things a reader notices.

Also, the author's name was not mentioned in the blurb; make sure to add it soon. Even though we say, Don't judge a book by its cover, in Wattpad, when it comes to books, it is difficult not to, and the majority of the readers do judge, so unless you have already built a good fanbase for your writing, getting your book out there would be difficult.

❥ Blurb: The blurb is good, looking past all of the grammatical errors. I especially liked the ending. Still, it is in dire need of a lot of work to be done on it so that it can be much better than it is now. The grammatical errors will be properly addressed in the grammar section, where I will also give you some examples along with their corrections. Other than that, there was some weird sentence structuring, words used in the wrong context, punctuation errors, incorrect tense changes, etc.

The first sentence is overly long and combines multiple ideas (their friendship, long distance, marriage, and family concerns). This makes it harder to follow and feels like an information dump; breaking it down into two different sentences makes it more digestible. The blurb premise is quite predictable; friends turned to married couples is an overused trope, especially on Wattpad, so I highly suggest that you add any other conflict from the plot so that your story stands out.

For example, you can phrase the first sentence like this: Suhana and Abhijay have been best friends for years but never imagined their paths would cross again—this time as husband and wife.

The blurb tone keeps switching from conversational to formal. For example, the phrase "best friends since years" feels conversational and slightly informal, while "just to secure their families' future" is more formal and structured. This mixing of tones makes the blurb more uneven and jerky.

The "meet each other after long distance in their own marriage" is awkwardly structured and is written in a tone that is neither conversational nor formal, so rephrasing it might be a good idea. Overall, the blurb needs more revision, as it is a pivotal part of the story.

❥ Storyline: The beginning chapter was sort of wholesome and was already fast on to the plot. The problem I had with it was how you sort of info dumped so much of the backstory between the main two characters. Other than that, everything in that story was moving fast; the pacing was overly fast. The transition from the phone call to storming out of the room is too sudden. There's so much going on in a single paragraph, so I suggest writing a sentence or two on the character's thoughts or some reflection, something like that, then just describing their actions. What about their body language? Are his teeth gritted, or his hands fisted in anger? Embed more such acute signs of body language to give out a more vivid imagination for the reader in that first paragraph.

Also, add some context in between, and maybe a bit of reflection from the main character's side. He has sort of been betrayed by his mother, so as he rushes out, I suggest you write down some of his thoughts it increases the mystery and also helps the readers connect to the character more.