Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Amanda } Mehek: The Desired One Public

Client: Riimagination

Reviewer: theheartofflame

First Impressions

1. Cover - The cover looks nice. It shows that this is a South Asian romance. Now, I'm from Southeast Asia so I am not very familiar with the culture of the characters featured in the story or the culture depicted in the setting so I won't make many comments regarding the setting. Please tell me in a comment if there are any cultural misunderstandings. I do my best to be culturally sensitive. There are some issues I would like to point out. First of all, the fonts are too small and even in full screen, I struggle to read the subtitles. I suggest making the fonts a bit larger.

2. Blurb - The blurb is an infodump about the characters. It doesn't tell me anything about what kind of plot I can expect from the story and what type of conflict will arise. A blurb should give the reader a good idea about the flow of the story and what the reader can expect from it. Of course, one should not spoil the entire plot but just a little idea to ignite the flame of curiosity would be enough. Instead, what we get is an infodump on the characters. While information on the characters are always good to provide, I think it should be relegated to a different chapter in the book. But it would be better if the reader is the one who figures out the personalities of the characters instead of the author simply giving us all the information about their personalities. It should be shown in the text and not dumped in the blurb.

3. Prologue - While the prologue did not impress me, it told me important things about the characters, their personalities, and the relationship between the two leads. Personally, I don't fancy the ML at all. He seems controlling and the fact that he keeps brushing away the FL's attempts to have a serious conversation irks me. I feel sorry for Mehek and I am curious as to how their relationship started and how they got to this point.

Chapter by Chapter Review

Chapter 1

I am noticing a pattern of the FL, Mehek, not being taken seriously by people. In the prologue, the ML brushes aside her attempts to have a serious conversation and brings up things that have nothing to do with the conversation. Then in the first chapter we see this again with her cousin, Naina. Her cousin brushes her away when she says that she doesn't want to be woken up because she had a tiring shift. She also doesn't want her mood to be ruined but her cousin does it anyway.

((I exclaimed, "Now all the troublemakers are here in one place!))This line and the next that says, 'I groggily expressed....' is confusing. Does she exclaim that "the trouble makers are here in one place!" and then groggily says "Thank you guys."? Does she say both lines groggily? Or just the second line. If so, then how is she switching from expressing happiness and emotion to then expressing grogginess within the span of two lines?

There are some moments where the actions are over described and stick out like a sore thumb amidst the rest of the text.