Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Holly } Ataraxia

Client: Bae-rrito

Reviewer: lantea-

🌹》Title, Cover, & Blurb

The title fits the story well and attracts readers. The cover is very dark and it's hard to see the elements on the cover. There also appears to be a lot of empty space on the cover. The subtitle is hard to read and the author's name is a bit hard to read. The formatting of the blurb is different and it does flow well. Enough information is given about the book to draw readers in without giving too much away. I don't think the definition of ataraxia is needed at the start of the blurb though.

🌹》Plot

The plot of the story wasn't clear and easy to understand. The plot seemed to align with the blurb a bit, however, it didn't have a clear direction. I don't understand why the girl is fine with the stalker outside her window. Why didn't she report him? If people know about the illegal stuff Gigi is involved in, how has she not been arrested? It seems odd she'd tell Zohra everything when she just became her assistant. The plot seems to be progressing slowly, although it's hard to tell since the plot isn't clear enough. The exposition introduces the characters very well, however, it could introduce the world better.

🌹》Characters

The characters are introduced and described alright, however, it could be improved. A lot of information about the characters is dumped on the readers at once. For example, in chapter five, you list out all the information about Gigi's children at once. Work it into the narration and spread it out. Show the readers some of the information instead of simply telling them. The characters' personalities also need to be shown better in the story.

🌹》Grammar/Spelling

I didn't notice many spelling and grammar errors. The main spelling error I noticed was Zohra's name starts out being spelled this way and then starting in chapter two it's sometimes spelled Zorah.

🌹》Writing Style

The writing style is consistent throughout the chapters, however, it needs improvement. As mentioned, you tell the readers what's happening instead of showing them. Also, as mentioned, information is often dumped on the readers at once. Spread the information out and show the readers some of it instead of telling them. More descriptions also need to be included in the story. The chapters were very short and many of them could be combined into one. Chapters 6 and 6.5 could be combined or 6.5 could just be 7. The phrasing was also often hard to understand. I enjoyed the mystery of the point of view of the girl, however, it was hard to understand what was happening in those points of view.

🌹》Enjoyment

Unfortunately, the story wasn't enjoyable and I wouldn't read on. It was hard to understand what was happening and the plot of the story wasn't very clear.

🌹》Overall

Overall, the plot of the story needs to be clearer and more engaging. It was hard to understand what was happening in the story and it wasn't clear where the plot was heading. The readers are told a lot of information and what's happening instead of being shown. The characters need to be developed more. Be sure to show their personalities throughout the chapters. Also, be sure you're spelling Zohra's name consistently throughout the story. The story needs an edit to fix the spelling and grammar errors as well as the phrasing that was hard to understand. Good luck with your story!