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✦ { Cel } Outlaw

Client: KarmicAme

Reviewer: rinaXhazurina

Title: 5/5

The title says it all. The plot, the characters, and the world were expressed enough in the one-word title alone.

Book Cover: /5

Blurb: 5/5

The blurb was on-point in revealing enough about the characters, world, plot, theme, and conflicts. It covers all there is to show to hook the readers into the book with the necessary details to hint at its core elements. Excellent job.

Characters: 6/10

The characters' behaviors were shown to be coherent with how the world came to be. For Ashwin, it's clear he wants to steer clear of the Alliance as a member of the Outlaw and fears for his security. From my understanding, he's shown to be aloof but takes his duties seriously. He also stands up for himself and can act as the bigger person when he's involved in conflicts that he was forced into. He's also shown to be smart from the moment he knew Yilan was an Alliance, and gets enough details out of him instead of taking him out on the spot after.

His interactions with the people around him and his thoughts on the environment and the world showed how he reacts to certain situations because of his experiences, yet his introduction could do better to show more about the features that distinguish him not just from the characters in the book, but also characters across stories with similar genres and plots. It can be any strong feature that doesn't have to be wholly original, as long as it's a trait shown in his introduction that makes him memorable when readers are asked how to describe him and it's that one or more of the features you want your readers to instantly remember.

Example, the blurb described him to be untrusting of anyone. His relationship with Clyde may have supported that fact, but it can be improved by writing a moment that strongly reinforces that. It can be when someone shows him unconditional kindness, but he declines, reacts with suspicion, or shows his doubtful thoughts.

For Ian, he was shown to take his duties seriously and enforce the same discipline on the people around him. He was shown to be caring for his brother, has a seemingly rough relationship with his mentor Richard, and aims to vanquish the outlaws. His internal challenges were shown better compared to Ashwin, from the way he refers to the other Allies regarding him with disdain for his position. He can be distinguished from Ashwin with his stern manner compared to the latter, who displays himself as aloof, yet both can be considered as cautious and serious about their duties.

However, there is a need to strongly exhibit the fears and key flaws of both these characters. What do they need to overcome or improve on that requires them to face their fears in order to achieve what they truly want, or when desperate times come, they'll be able to overcome it to reach their objective? What is something that hinders them that they need to take action about in order to grow as a person that is based on the theme of the story? I suggest laying out the answers to these questions as soon as the characters are introduced, while keeping it natural.

Moreover, I recommend giving both stronger character introductions by either placing them in a raid where Ian and the Allies raid the Outlaw camps where Ashwin is, or putting them in dire situations that reveal their key character traits. This was done well for Ashwin when he and Clyde caught Yilan, and Ashwin was shown to be cautious and went straight for the kill after knowing enough about Yilan. I suggest putting this scene earlier on. Don't hold back on revealing the important details about the characters and worldbuilding in memorable ways in the first chapters to hook readers immediately. But remember to balance it to avoid info-dumping.