Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Kamila } Cheese!

Client: froggishfriday

Reviewer: Kamila_DeRico

Title: 10/10

It's amusing how the title ties directly to the plot, as it references the dialogue between the main characters.

It's a fun little way to remember the book and its entire premise.

Cover: 10/10

The cover has quite the appeal. It's something I would glance at and instantly have an idea of what the book could be about.

You also subtly reveal information about the characters in it, evident by the camera and kitchen utensils. The color also directly ties into the title.

Overall, it has the appeal of a work filled with quirky, cheesy moments and is definitely a book I would pick up if I were looking for that specific genre.

Summary: 10/10

The little blurb at the beginning of the summary instantly grabs our attention. Not only is it a sneak peek into the book itself, but it also establishes quite a few things about the characters.

You've also clearly introduced the main conflict of the book, setting the tension in a way that doesn't give away the plot.

Plot: 9.6/10

The journey of Brija and Indra's relationship is a pretty sweet one, as we get to see them slowly evolve from strangers to lovers.

I like how their relationship progressed steadily. The transition was not abrupt, which would have risked their relationship being set on a shaky foundation. We get to see the characters first experiencing these feelings and questioning them, even pushing them away before realizing its weight. And this grounds their romance really well.

The conflicts that arose were resolved clearly, leaving no room for plot holes.

Although there's little originality in their romance. It reads like any other romance book out there. Adding a twist, however, makes it uniquely yours. Maybe the characters met one another in some way before and slowly remember and recognize each other. Or maybe, one of the characters has a condition that prevents him/her from falling in love, but it breaks when they fall for their partner.

It can be anything unique that differentiates their romance from the others, whether small, seemingly insignificant details or bigger twists like the examples I gave.

But of course, not all romance needs a twist. The final choice is obviously up to you as the writer of the book.

Writing Style: 6.5/10

In terms of writing, there absolutely is originality.

First of all, I love, love, love the concept of an epistolary novel. It's very unique and I feel works well with the book.

But, the problem arises when this concept doesn't stay consistent. We're constantly switching between letters, emails, text messages and normal prose so much that it can get overwhelming really quickly.

Using an epistolary style to tell the story automatically creates a connection between us and the characters even though the letters were not directly addressed to us. However, suddenly switching to text messages or prose pushes the reader-character relationship from being the characters telling us the story to us just watching them from afar. This dampens the connection we feel to them.

I suggest staying consistent with one concept rather than switching between a bunch of them.

I also want to point out something that occurs a lot throughout the first four chapters. And that is, including dialogue in letters.

Realistically, when drafting a letter, dialogue—especially specific conversations—wouldn't be included. And even if it were, the drafter wouldn't be as specific as something like this:

Indra: Hey, you look really pretty... (looking mesmerized)

Me: (flustered) Oh, thank you so much... you look handsome as well.

Dialogue should be summarized into the letter as it would otherwise clash with the writing style. So the above example would be written this way:

His eyes held a mesmerized look as he praised my appearance, leaving me flustered and grateful. I stumbled to return the compliment.

[Not the best example, but you get my point]

At other times, the writing feels a bit too on the nose. We're directly told the emotions of the characters [e.g. she was confused, he was shy], instead of being shown. We need visceral reactions to whatever they feel so we can feel those emotions too.

Characterization: 7.5/10

The characters have a beautiful chemistry, and their relationship is pretty endearing. There's the occasional cheesy lines and playful banter that make them enjoyable as a couple. However, as individuals, we barely know anything about them other than a few facts here and there.

We have no idea what their likes and dislikes [most of them] are. Their goals, their fears, and a lot of other things that make them unique as an individual are not revealed. This really weakens our relationship with them.

I suggest creating a profile for each main character. This usually includes things like: goals, strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, biggest flaw, family/relationships, and many more that help flesh out these characters.

Grammar: 8/10

Grammar is serviceable. However, punctuation goes awry at times. There are moments when they are misused, especially the comma.

It doesn't get too distracting, but for the sake of professionalism, chapters should be line-edited.

Pacing: 8/10

The pacing is okay at times, but in chapters where descriptions are underused, the plot moves too fast.

Grounding the scenes with proper setting descriptions will help the pace a lot.

Overall: 69.6/80

A short, endearing read. I truly appreciate your efforts in creating a cheesy book for readers' entertainment. Though I am interested in knowing more about these characters, fleshed out.