Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Anea } Best Decision, Not Chosen

Client: ajroker

Reviewer: MsGlaze

A Note to the Author:
Before diving into this review, I want to acknowledge the dedication, time, and vulnerability it takes to write a book. Every story is a labor of love, and sharing it with the world is no small feat. This review is offered with genuine respect for your work and with the hope that any feedback, positive or constructive, will be helpful and encouraging. Please know that my intent is never to offend, but to engage thoughtfully and supportively. Every writer is on a journey, and I'm honoured to be a small part of yours through this review.

This is a chapter-by-chapter review of your book, offered with the intent to highlight both the strengths and areas for growth in each section. While the grading provides an overview, this review aims to offer more detailed, thoughtful reflections that may not be fully captured in the grading section.

Prologue: We can sense Milly's emotional turmoil from the very first line, which is an effective way to immerse readers immediately. The story doesn't waste time establishing the central issue—her pregnancy—and that's a strong choice. However, the metaphor about the weight of the test being in the test kit is somewhat confusing. The intention is clear: Milly feels the emotional pressure of the test's result. But phrasing it more clearly or choosing a more grounded comparison might help readers grasp the intensity without stumbling. For example, describing her hands trembling as she holds the test or the silence of the bathroom pressing in on her might carry that emotional weight more effectively.

One strength in your writing is the way you execute physical actions. For many writers, sequencing physical movement while maintaining emotional tone can be tricky, but you generally do it well. Readers can follow Milly's reactions clearly as she moves, speaks, or pauses. That said, some phrasing does create a bit of confusion. In the second paragraph, the sentence about the knock at the door is structurally awkward: "A sharp knock at the door made her back arch — it hadn't stopped pounding." At first glance, "it" appears to refer to her back, not the door. This causes the reader to pause and reread, interrupting the emotional rhythm you've been building. A rewording like, "The relentless knocking sent a jolt through her — her back arched in response," would preserve the emotional effect while improving clarity. It creates a clearer cause-and-effect relationship between the sound and her reaction, avoiding ambiguity.

Clarity is key when balancing tension and physical reaction. Awkward or imprecise wording, even in emotionally charged scenes, can unintentionally pull readers out of the moment. Be mindful of pronoun references, especially in moments with multiple potential subjects, and try reading sentences aloud during revision—awkward rhythm or confusion will often stand out more that way.

Overall, the introduction is solid in both emotional impact and pacing. With a slight revision for metaphor clarity and sentence structure, it can land even more powerfully. The emotional tone is there—you just need to fine-tune the delivery to ensure readers stay fully engaged and connected to Milly's experience from line one.

There's a noticeable shift in tense early on that disrupts the flow of the narrative. The line "she glances" switches to the present tense in a section that has been consistently written in the past. This type of sudden shift is jarring for the reader and breaks immersion. It's important to maintain consistency with tense throughout the scene unless you have a very specific and deliberate reason to change it—such as a stylistic flashback or a direct shift into inner monologue. Otherwise, keep verbs aligned with the tense established at the beginning. "She glances" should simply be "she glanced."