Beautiful Ruin

Chapter 48.

Jordan

 I walked  for what seemed like an hour watching cars pass by. Some offered to take me into town but I passed. I just needed to walk to think about what just happened. She wants a break or does she want to break up? Where did we go wrong? maybe we do need a break to figure out ourselves, to know what we want. How can I do that knowing that all I want or ever  wanted was Emani. I was so wrapped up in thought that I didn't realize I was being honked at. It was Emani.

"Jordan get in the car."

"Had enough space already?" I asked walking with my head straight.

"Jor... I'm sorry I sprung that on you..."

"Don't be."

"Just get in the car."

"Just leave me alone."

Next thing I knew she drove off. Just like Emani to give up so easily; she doesn't fight for anything. Or so I thought as she pulled off the side of the road and got out. I know this girl ain't about to leave my Lamborghini on the side of the road? She leaned against the side as I approached her.

"What do you want from me Emani? You wanted space, I gave you space. You wanted a break, I'm giving you one. What else you want, blood?!"

"I just want you to get in the motherfucking car so we can finish talking like mature, responsible adults. Can you do that?"

I snatched the keys out of her hands and got in the driver seat. When she was in the car, I pulled off at a dangerous speed. The ride was silent and if I knew Mani, she would talk and piss me off.

"Jordan?"

"What Emani?"

"I really didn't me..."

"When it's all said and done you spoke your truth just like I asked you too. You wanna break up fine you get what you want; like I always say it's up to you."

"I never said that we broke up Jordan."

"It's the same thing E! First we take a 'break' then we break up because somewhere along the lines things will get blurred and that's just the reality of it all."

I pulled up to the complex with one intension; leaving. I was going to my mom's tonight. When we got up to the apartment, I headed straight to the bedroom and started taking my suit off. Mani came in behind me and I swore I heard the door lock. When I was striped down to my boxer, I hung my suit back up in the closet and took down a duffle bag. I walked over to my drawers and took out some clothes that I think I might need.

"Where are you going?"

"For someone who wants space you sure don't act like it."

"I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to stay with someone who doesn't want me either so..."

"I never said I don't want you Jordan, just a break from this toxic relationship! Every time something goes down with us we don't bounce back. I just thought we should cool off and refocus."

"And that's my fault how? You ignore me, you don't talk to me, you don't even try in this relationship! Every time something goes bad you run, you don't fight for us!"

I was enraged now and I knew I needed to relax before things got out of hand. Without looking at her, I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and started packing my toiletries.  When I got out of the room my duffle bag was missing. Mani was really trying my patience right about now.

"Emani, where's my bag?" I said as calm as I could.

"You're not leav..."

"So you want to fight for us now after all that just went down?! Fuck outta here with all that..."

"Can you shut the fuck up!"

Emani

I've had it with Jordan and his attitude. He looked at me like I had slapped him and I should have.

"I never broke up with you so you could stop with the disrespectful shit okay. I just asked for a break, a fucking break. Did we establish what this meant? No cause you took off as you do when shit ain't going your way. You know what your problem is Jordan? You.Are.Fucking.Spoilt . When you don't get your way, you lash out for no reason. All I wanted was to tell you I need some time away from us and that  I am going home for Christmas. That's it."

I flopped down on the bed exhausted and drained. I felt the bed dip and knew that he sat next to me.

"I'm done arguing Jordan, if you want to leave your duffle bag is under the bed and your keys are in your Timbs."

"I'm sorry. I over reacted like I did or always do and I shouldn't have. You just don't understand how much I love you that any thought of you leaving me would just break me. So when you say you want a break, of course I flipped out because a break means just that. Spending time away from us is giving yourself space to create thoughts of leaving."

"Then why the fuck am I here then?" I asked while sitting up in bed. "I could have drove straight home, I could have let you pack up and leave but I didn't. I do fight for us Jordan just not the way you want me too."

I got up off of the bed and started taking my dress off. When I was done, I placed the dress back in the bag and went to the bathroom. I took my make up off and brushed my teeth then made my way back to the bedroom. Jordan was laying on the bed staring at the roof. I hate hurting him especially knowing how much he loves me. I laid in bed with my back to him and tried to fall asleep. Next thing I knew Jordan wrapped his arms around me and put his head in the crook of my neck.

How does something that feels so right, be so wrong?