Diaries :Journey from hatred to love

Zaroon 22 January

Ye kya hogaya aj! Main bas Kashaf ke chehre ki odh dekhta raha. Kashaf Murtuza se meri engagement iska toh kabhi khwab bhi nahi dekha tha maine. Mujhe Kashaf se baat karni hogi aaj engagement kara di hai kal yeh sab toh nikah padhwa denge aur tab bhi main kuch nahi kar paunga. Asmara aur Osama ne toh aur meri zindagi azaab bana di hai. Bohot galat kiya ki main unhe saath le gaya.
"Zaroon dekha jaye toh Kashaf ek bohot achi ladki hai. Agar woh tumhe life partner ke roop me mil jaye toh tumhari zindagi set hojayegi."
Asmara ne mere dimag ke padhe ko badhate huye kaha.
"Acha aur ek mulaqat me tumne yeh decide karliya?"
"Agar woh sach me achi nahi hoti toh tum kabhi uski aisi madat kyu karte? Zarur tum use pasand karte ho aur hume batane se katra rahe ho."
"Aisi koi baat nahi."
"Mere hisab se toh yehi baat hai. Aur agar nahi hai toh tum akhir kyu aisi madat kar rahe ho uski woh toh tumhari bas ek colleague hai. Hai koi jawab?"
"Bas insaniyat ke naate."
"Insaniyat ke naate agar tumhe kuch karna hota toh tum uske abba ko sab sach batate ya Kashaf ko samjhate na ki aise betuke kaam karte jisse tumhe koi faida na ho raha ho."
Gaur karne wali baat hai akhir kyu main Kashaf ki help kar raha hoon? Usne toh mujhse ek baar kaha ya kahun order diya aur main maan gaya. Itni asani se main maan gaya! Kyu? Badi ajib baat hai. It is so unlike me. Aaj tak maine bina munafe koi kaam nahi kiya aur aaj main engagement kar baitha hoon. Bhale hi humare nazdik iski koi ehmiyat nahi hai.
Maine Asmara ka koi jawab nahi diya. Do lamhe tak isi soch me pada tha jab usne phir apni chuppi todi
"Zaroon give it a thought. Shayad shuru shuru mein tumhe sab bohot complexed lage but dheere dheere tumhe sab saaf nazar ane lagega. Tum zarur use pasand karte ho."
Kya sach mein main Kashaf ko pasand karta hoon? Agar karta hoon toh aaj se pehle yeh baat mere zehen mein kyu nahi ayi? Kashaf ek achi ladki hai main janta hoon,bohot ladaiyaan huyi hai humari,bohot zillat ka ehsaas hua hai uske karan magar phir bhi kya main use pasand karta hoon? Nahi yeh sach nahi ho sakta. Yeh baat sirf Asmara ke wajah se mere dimag mein ayi hai. Agar main use pasand karta toh kisi ko mujhe is bare mein batana nahi parta. Mujhe khud malum ho jata.