5SOS Book of Imagines

MASHTON // Cuts (3)

Hanging out with Michael did not only become a regular thing, it became a daily thing.

It was exactly like he said, if anybody would ever understand your situations, it's both of you.

Unlike people who look at you with pity in their eyes, people who feel bad that you cut, people who mock you for cutting, false concerns, having each other almost feels like living normally, whatever normal was.

You both talked about cutting like it was as normal as eating, because in both of your cases, it was. An unavoidable lifestyle, maybe you can move on from it, but not right now, not with the pity other people give you, not with the emotional trauma you're experiencing. Self-harm was the only way to go.

No matter how sick and twisted that sounds, it's true.

Hanging out with him seemed to lessen the pain, surprisingly, you didn't cut as much, only when you're alone. When Michael was there, the pain goes numb, the intensity of it subsides.

Getting to know Michael was easy, getting to know why Michael cuts was hard. He seemed to be a generally fun person, dorky. If it wasn't for him telling you his darker stories that made you believe that he actually does cut for deep reasons.

"The reasons why I cut are deeper than my scars," he says one night as both of you hung out in your house's roof, laying down, the stars spilled around the sky for you to watch.

He proceeds to tell his tale about his anxiety, all the years he had been bullied, how hard it was to manage his mind.

You chuckle, "Now I feel so stupid. Here you were, suffering from things so bad like that and here I am, cutting out of heartbreak. I'm so pathetic."

"Stop that, every reason you have for cutting is valid. Well, except when you do it for attention, that's twisted. But when your heart breaks, a part of you aches for your whole life, then maybe cutting was the only escape to that ache."

"You know what, you get so...wise when it's evening," you notice, considering his answer, validating your reasons. You heard a faint rap on the house's backdoor downstairs but you ignored it. It didn't matter. Nothing else did.

"The stars calm me down, you have a cool view of them up here. Where I live, like downtown, I never really get a glimpse of the sky, maybe that's why I relapse more," he sighs and gets into a more comfortable position.

"Well then, my hou-"

"Oh my god, did you see that?" Michael suddenly points upward, excitement on his face.

"What?"

"Come here, come here, there are a lot of them!" He takes your upper arm and heave you closer to him so your heads are touching as you look up at the sky. He points furiously to a point in the sky.

"There! See? Some kind of meteor shower!"

"Yeah, yeah, I do, you're such a kid," you laugh at his excitement but looking up to the stars in awe as well. "They're so pretty."

A comfortable silence followed, with your heads touching, bodies close, look up at the beautiful, starry night sky.

Somehow, you felt like it was perfect. You felt at peace, you were smiling, there was nothing but pure bliss. It felt like living.

There was nothing but the calm exhales of you and Michael's breaths, crickets chirping from somewhere down, the gentle breeze that sways the trees.

"Y/N?! Y/N?! Where the hell are you!?"

Loud knocks on your door accompanied the shouts, which made you scramble up to sit. Even before he knocked again, you already knew it was Ashton. He made himself a spare key to the backdoor so he'd be able to check up on you even when you didn't want him to.

You look at Michael who was barely listening, his eyes intently staring at the stars. "I'll just send him out, sorry."

He smiled, "Sure, it's okay. It's good that somebody checks on you."

He seemed fine with the disturbance but you weren't. Does Ashton have to ruin every chance you had to being happy? Wasn't breaking you enough? Of course, it was a silly question seeing Ashton is oblivious to the fact that you were hurting because of him. All he knew was you were depressed and suicidal for some reason you wouldn't tell.

A reason that now makes you feel silly when you look at Michael.