5SOS Book of Imagines

CTH // Fear (3)

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Calum sat inside his jeep, parked outside the club where he first met her, the mother of his child. It almost felt like yesterday when two wrecked and wasted teenagers met outside the club.

He could vividly remember seeing Y/N stumble out of the club looking like hell. He knew he looked like it too so he approached her and indifferently asked her why she looked like shit. He remembered how easy it was, and of course, how right it felt, no matter how wrong the situation looked like.

They started out as just fuck buddies, calling each other up for a few hours of release. When they obviously liked each others' company more so than usual, he started asking her to bring over some clothes in his flat, bring over her toothbrush, asked her to sleep over, and then suddenly it was a relationship. There were no words but it was clear.

He loves her.

He always showed it though he has never said it out loud. They weren't that kind of people, the showy type, the clingy ones, but they had their own ways to show they care. They fit that way. They don't need words to be reassured of affection.

But as they faced this huge phase, Calum thought the lack of words between them became some kind of rift between their understandings, between working out compromises. Now they can't talk about their issues and all they can do is wait for both of their anger to subside.

Learning that Y/N was pregnant was a huge surprise for him. A good surprise. As soon as he saw the two red lines in the pregnancy test, he could already see the little boy or little girl in his arms, cradling and cooing it. He could almost imagine watching her as she cared for their child and he could feel his chest swell with a tenderness he could only call love.

It almost scared him that maybe Y/N would abort the child, she had always been a weird one. An isolated one. She played a big ego—no, she had a big ego, and he knows she became that person because of her past. He knows that she's fucked up and he accepted that. He loved her because of that. He knows she has a lot of issues regarding companionship and getting attached to people. He can see the toll it takes on her when she had to socialize with his friends, though usually she doesn't even try.

Being a father scared him, yet being a father to Y/N's baby, that's a different story.

His father was never much of one. And he wasn't much of a good older brother to his siblings, too. That's why what Y/N said affected him so much. People always said he looked so much like his dad and knowing he didn't get to take care of his siblings the way he should have when he was all they had made him think he was really like his father, and that he was somehow the cause why his siblings died.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened as his mind was filled with the memories of what happened. He remembered how much they didn't matter to him then, all he knew was how angry he was at his parents for leaving them. How he left home at the crack of dawn and came back when his siblings were all already fast asleep. How he seemed like to wake up from a trance when he came home to policemen in their house, saying how there was a burglary in their house which killed both of his siblings when they saw the burglars.

At last he remembered how much he hated himself more than how much he hated his father. He kept thinking he was the monster.

Now, a family was waiting for him and he didn't know if he was up for it, though he sure as hell wanted it. Right now, all he wanted was to have Y/N in his arms.

He sat up straight and drove off to the onlyright thing in his world full of wrongs.