5SOS Book of Imagines

MASHTON // Cuts (5)

Ash: y/n im sorry can we talk pls?

Ash: im really, really sorry. i didn't mean anything i said, i was overriden by anger

Ash: tell michael i'm sorry

Ash: im so sorry pls talk to me

The messages went on and on, you stared at them and reread each, wondering if you were too hard on him. You were alone in your room, waiting for Michael. He was bringing DVDs and pizza for a random movie night. It's been five days since the drama in this same bedroom and guilt has been eating you for not giving Ashton a proper explanation why you were hanging out more with Michael now.

A knock on the door stopped your train of thought. Thinking it was Michael, you cheerily opened it up.

But instead of a platinum blond-haired guy holding DVDs and boxes of pizza, there was a dirty blond, long haired guy who looked like shit.

"Omigod, Ashton, what's happened to you?" You instantly helped him inside the room, making him sit in the sofa and taking a towel from your cabinet to wipe his tearstained face.

He sobbed a painful sob and you felt your heart squeeze in pain, "Ashton please, stop. What are you doing to yourself?"

"I love you," he whispered almost inaudibly, "but you don't love me."

"Oh, Ashton," you hugged him. "What are you saying? Of course, I love you. You're my best friend."

You wiped his face off of tear stains, combed his hair with your fingers to tame them a bit. "Dammit, does Bryanna even know you're like this? You look like fucking hell."

"I broke up with her," he sobbed again.

"What? Why did you do that? Ashton?"

"I only dated her to..." he gulped whilst sniffling, clearing his throat. "To make you jealous. Now look where it's got me. You found somebody else to love."

"Wait, what? Ash?" Your eyes bulge out in disbelief. Is this true?

"Now you got Michael, and he helps you with your depression more than I ever did, but I've been so mean to him. I feel so awful."

"Oh, god, Ashton." You hugged him, still unbelieving the irony of everything. Him confessing filled you with a weird sense of emptiness, blankness. Not really what you expected from yourself; you weren't happy, like what you thought you should be, but instead, you were sad—because you didn't feel the same way anymore.

You relapsed to cutting because he got himself a girlfriend, when all along he got a girlfriend to make you jealous because he liked you.

"I'm sorry, for causing you pain, for being an awful friend. I thought I was doing the right thing, making you jealous to get you to confess but then it backfired. Now we both see that you're better off with Michael than me. He knows how to take care of you, I'm unsure whether I can understand most of the things in your mind and that is something only you and Michael can relate to. Michael's the only guy for someone as special as you, Y/N. You deserve someone to take care of you and to understand you. I love you."

Ashton lets go of you and wipes his tears, raking his hands to his hair and making an effort to adjust his dirty shirt. "I'm sorry I came in uninvited but I needed you to know. I needed to tell you how I really feel. I needed to see. And I see, that you love him, not me."

"Ash.." you couldn't say anything more. Couldn't really process everything.

"I'll always be your bestfriend."

"I love you, Ash." You say, and for the first time, it meant differently from the love you used to have for him, the irony was, it was him feeling differently, deeply now.

"Not the way I want you to, not the way you used to." He said, smiled a weak smile before going out.

You sat in your room, thinking about what happened, letting the whole thing sink in when Michael came, arms full of DVDs and pizza boxes. You stood up and quickly—but carefully—took the DVDs and boxes from him and put your arms around his neck.

He was surprised but he chuckled and wrapped his arms tightly around you, "Missed me too much?"

You nodded in his neck.

"I did, too."

You nuzzled his neck in response.

It was so real that there were no more words needed. Just the feel of his arms around you, the sound of your heartbeats resonating from each other's chest. The calmness, the silence in your usually violent mind is enough. 

This, this is where you should be.