To the moon || Luke Hemmings

Chapter 54

'I'm glad you came up with this' Ashton said, looking at me from behind his sunglasses.
I looked back at him and forced myself to smile.
If I would have the ability to forget about the last couple of days, I would've been in awe.
We were at the pink lake which is nothing more than what it says.
It was a lake, but instead of the normal blue water, it was bright pink.
When we were figuring out the places we wanted to go to for this road trip, I found this lake and the guys agreed that we should go here.
Looking back at the lake, I sighed and tried to think of anything but the last few days.
I tried to forget the emptiness I felt and the constant tears burning behind my eyes, but couldn't do it.
'You guys want something to drink?' I asked, thinking that maybe a short walk would help.
The guys all shook their heads and after Calum handed me the keys, I walked to the car to hunt down the water bottle that I had thrown inside my suitcase.
I could feel Luke's stare on my back as I walked, but I didn't turn around to look at him or ask him to join me the way I usually would've done.
Unlocking the doors, I opened the trunk and my suitcase and pushed some clothes to the side.
It couldn't be that far away since I threw it in this morning but I couldn't see it anywhere.
'Damnit' I mumbled, pushing my hands to the bottom of the suitcase.
I was met with a fluffy and soft material.
Frowning, I pulled it out, instantly recognizing the bear onesie Luke and I had bought for Lilly.
I bit my lip as the tears instantly filled my eyes again. It wasn't fair, why did she had to be taken away from us?
'Hey V?' Luke said as he approached the car.
I turned my head around to face him, watching as he stopped beside me and noticed the onesie I was holding.
He sighed softly. His one hand taking place on the onesie as the other found its way around my waist.
I shook his hand off my hip though, surprising the both of us.
Luke pretended not to be too surprised by it and took the onesie out of my hands.
'How about we put this back for now?' he said quietly, folding the onesie and placing it under the clothes that were way too big for me now.
He rummaged around in the suitcase, eventually finding both our water bottles.
He handed me mine and closed the trunk.
'Let's go back' he said, taking my hand in his and pulling on it.
I shook my head and pulled my hand away, looking at the trees around us to try and keep myself calm.
'You go' I said softly. 'I think I'll stay here for a minute'
Luke shook his head worriedly 'I'm not going to leave you alone when you look like you're seconds away from having a meltdown' he said, walking towards me and pulling my body against his.
'Luke please,' I said, struggling out of his arms and taking a few steps back.
'Just go back I want to be alone'
Luke stayed where he was for a few seconds, debating whether or not he should believe me.
Until he slowly nodded his head and took a few steps back as well.
'Just call for me if you need something alright?' he said.
I nodded, not really hearing his words.
He walked away, looking back a few times before he turned the corner and I was left alone.
Closing my eyes, I quietly let the tears roll down my cheeks as I sat down on the floor, my back against the car.
My water bottle was tightly clutched in my hands as I looked up at the bright blue sky, imagining what it would've been like if Lilly would be here with us right now.
Surely, this whole road trip would have gone differently.
We wouldn't have to stop because I had to pee, but instead we constantly would have to stop because she needed to be fed and we needed to warm up her bottle somewhere.
She would be here with us, either looking at the lake completely amazed or fast asleep in someone's arms.
I sniffed, angrily wiping away some tears as I continued torturing myself.
Imaging the way she would be drinking from her bottle with her feet kicking in the air, her green eyes slowly closing when she had almost finished it since she couldn't stay awake longer.
Or what she would look like in the onesie we had bought for her, the way it would be way too big for her, the same way her diaper was too big when I last saw her alive.
The sound of feet shuffling closer pulled me out of my thoughts and I hurriedly wiped away my tears.
'I tried,' Luke said softly as he reached the car 'I just can't stay away when I know you're going to sit here and cry on your own'
'I asked you to though' I replied, not looking up at him, I really did want to be alone.
'I know and I'm sorry I'm here anyway, I just...do you really want to sit here and cry and have no one to comfort you?' he asked.
I sighed and nodded 'I do. So can you please give me 5 minutes alone' It came out meaner than I intended it to but I couldn't get myself to apologize.
'Alright then,' Luke replied, 'I'll eh...I'll leave you alone'