To the moon || Luke Hemmings

Chapter 59

We silently sat down in the car, Michael, Ashton and I in the backseat, Calum in the driver's seat and Luke in the passenger seat.
Michael and Ashton gave Luke and I some weird looks as Calum started the car and drove us off the parking lot.
'Since when do you purposely sit down this far apart from each other when we have a 7 hour drive to complete?' Ashton asked, looking at Luke and me worriedly.
I looked at him but didn't answer.
'Did you have a fight or something?' Michael asked, looking mostly at Luke.
'We're fine' he replied shortly, resting his head against the head rest of his seat and closing his eyes.
Everyone could hear the lie in the few words he spoke but no one really knew how to respond to it.
'What happened?' Ashton asked, nudging me with his elbow as a sign that he was asking me this question.
'What did he do now?'
'Nothing' I swallowed, taking my phone out of my pocket and opening twitter, hoping that Ashton would get the hint that I didn't want to talk about it.
'You guys have been acting really weird lately,' Calum mumbled 'And I understand that you're sad because of what happened with Lilly and I know your entire world came crushing down and it takes time to build it back up but...when you found out that she had passed away and at her funeral you guys were clinging onto each other for support. After that you just started pushing each other away'
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. The day she passed away seems so long ago and yet, it still hurts as if it was yesterday.
Calum was right, Luke and I had been pushing each other away but it wasn't intentional.
We both needed some alone time every once in a while, especially when we would be upset about something and we hadn't gotten that alone time.
We hadn't up until after the fight we had. Luke had left the room for a while and that was the first alone time we both got during this entire road trip.
We needed time to heal and seeing each other only reminded us of the little baby girl that we could've had with us right now.
We had started seeing each other differently and apparently the other guys had noticed it before we did.
'Are you telling me that I didn't try hard enough to keep everything together?' Luke asked, his voice filled with irritation as he looked at Calum.
'No, how do you get that out of what I just said?' Calum frowned 'I'm just saying that we've seen the both of you fall apart and you've pushed each other away in the process. You used to be cuddled up in the backseat every time we had a long drive ahead of us and you used to constantly kiss and be cute together but now you don't even want to sit beside each other'
'Well, things don't always stay the way they are, do they?' Luke said, resting his head against the window and closing his eyes again.
The guys were quiet as they looked from Luke, to each other, to me and then back at each other.
I was staring at the screen of my phone, his last sentence was playing on a loop in my head and it hurt more than I expected it to.
I knew he probably just said it because he was upset and the guys kind of just confronted us with this randomly but it still hurt to hear him say it.
I sighed softly, closing my eyes to keep my tears inside.
I felt like only bad things were happening to us lately and I didn't know how much more of it I could handle.
I could feel someone looking at me as a hand was placed on mine.
Opening my eyes, I looked up at Ashton as he took a hold of my hand and squeezed it softly.
It wasn't half as comforting as when Luke did it but it felt good to know that the guys didn't just care about Luke, but they also seemed to care about me.
I clutched his hand in mine tightly as I took a deep breath and looked out of the window, trying my best to figure out a way to get Luke and I back to where we were a few weeks ago.
How could we go back to being like that after everything we've been through?
Did Luke even want to go back to that? He didn't sound like he wanted to.
What would he want us to do then? Would he just ditch me because I failed to give him something he really wanted? Would he throw me away like that and look for someone who can give him a baby?
I used to trust and believe that he would never do that, that he's not capable of pushing me out of his life like that, but I started to doubt that trust now. I also never expected him to secretly talk to a doctor to find out how Lilly died and not tell me about it.
So how could I be sure he still loved me? How I could I be sure he hadn't given up on us?
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A/N:
I have my final exam on Friday and I'm already shitting myself...How am I going to survive?! How am I going to pass?!