To the moon || Luke Hemmings

Chapter 61

This was it.
It was 5am, I hadn't slept all night and I had officially reached another breaking point.
Luke had been fast asleep as I had been tossing and turning, my headache growing worse because of the lack of sleep and my eyes still burning because they needed some time to relax.
But I couldn't relax, in fact I was so deeply sad at this point that I felt like I had to keep moving and yet I knew my body would give in if I did.
I felt like I was driving myself to insanity and I needed it to stop.
The tears had started rolling down my cheeks for what felt like the millionth time today but right now they were tears of sadness and frustration, not just sadness.
They were sad tears because that's what my whole life seemed to have turned into and tears of frustration because I didn't want to cry any longer.
I was fighting a battle against my own body, my own emotions and no matter what I did, in the end I would always lose.
Getting out of bed, I grabbed our room keys and walked out, hoping that maybe some fresh air would help me calm down.
But when I started walking to the exit of the building, I looked back into the hallway, looking at all the closed doors.
I knew Ashton was in the room beside Luke and I's and I slowly walked up to it.
I wanted to be alone but for some reason I didn't fully trust myself to be alone.
So without thinking about the fact that it was 5am and I was standing at his door with red, burning eyes and tear-stained cheeks, I knocked loudly.
My vision went blurry as fresh tears filled up my eyes. I waited a few minutes and then knocked again, desperate for Ashton to open the door and help me out.
The door opened slowly and Ashton appeared.
He frowned slightly when he noticed it was me.
'Hey, what are you doing up? it's 5am' he said, looking at me worriedly.
I was staring at his chest, only looking up shortly as I answered him.
'Can you please come outside with me?' I asked, my voice growing higher at the end of my sentence.
Ashton nodded, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me against his body.
I wrapped my arms around his waist tightly, trying to keep the upcoming sobs from leaving my throat but I knew it was no use.
Ashton softly started drawing little circles on my back when I realized I was done for.
I could no longer stop myself from sobbing against his chest and I could no longer calm myself down to make sure I got enough air in my lungs without squealing.
Ashton's grip around me tightened as he turned on the lights of his room and carefully pulled me inside.
I continued sobbing, no longer caring about going outside. This was what I needed and I only realised it now.
We stood in his room like this for about 10 minutes and I slowly started to calm down a little.
'Everything'll be okay V,' Ashton said softly as he sat us down on his bed. 'I know it might not look or feel like it now but it will. You always work things out together and you'll do the same this time.'
I shook my head as I crawled up closer to him. 'I don't think we will this time' I cried.
'Do you want to work it out?'
I nodded and tried to take a deep breath.
'Then you will, because even though Luke's been a bit of a douchebag the last couple of days, he loves you V. He really does.'
I smiled half-heartedly, enjoying how easy and confident he told me this, but not wanting to believe it entirely.
'I think you both just have a little bit of trouble finding a way to work through this together'
I sniffled and nodded again 'I don't know how to fix this'
'Well...you can just talk to each other?' Ashton suggested.
'He doesn't really look like he's in the mood to talk though' I replied, exhaustion finally starting to take over my body.
'Maybe not, but he'll always listen to what you have to say. You're his number one priority V, he always puts you above everything and everyone else. If you would ask him if you can talk he'll say yes'
I sniffled again, silence washing over us for a few seconds before Ashton cut it short.
'What happened anyway?' he asked 'Luke said he wanted to tell you something and it kind of all went downhill from there'
I bit my lip as I tried to take another deep breath.
'He eh...he went to the doctor to find out what Lilly died of without telling me anything. I was walking around for days wondering what happened to her and he just kept it for himself'
Ashton went quiet for a second 'That's kind of a dick move, isn't it?' he said eventually.
I let out a breathy laugh and nodded 'Kind of'
'But he told you now right?'
I nodded again, closing my eyes to try and make them stop burning so much.
'At least that's something. He could've kept it a secret for years if he didn't want you to know' Ashton said, as he let himself fall back against the head board, pulling me along with him so that my head was now lying on his chest.
I yawned, unable to keep myself awake much longer.
'Just go get some sleep now alright? You can talk with Luke all day long tomorrow' he said.
And it only took me a few more minutes to finally drift off and get a few hours of sleep.
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A/N:
Okay but when I wrote the: "I don't think we will (figure things out) this time" my heart just kind of...dropped.