Bad Reputation (Shawn Mendes) complete

Chapter 12: A little too much

Sorry for the super late update guys😔 schools first. And writers block is a bitch.

"Why would you do that?!" I panic trying to figure out how to get the elevator to move again. "Because it's the only way I can get you to talk to me" he gently pulls my hands in his . I jerk them away crossing my hands over my chest. "what's wrong?" Shawn ask moving close to me "nothing i don't want to talk Shawn I have nothing to say to you" "so why does me seeing Amy bother you?" "Because she's your ex Shawn! she doesn't deserve to even look at you!" "Sam she just wants to talk nothing more-" "I don't give a shit! She's the one that broke your heart and you want to talk to her about it?! Don't you get it she wants you back and she going to feed you all the bullshit that you want to hear!" I frown eyes getting watery. "I would never In a million years take her back even if she could undo the things she did because along the way I found you. And your who I want to be with Sam not her"

I sigh sliding on to the floor thank god its clean. "I don't know shawn you've been with her for a while and I wouldn't blame you if you did take her back im just scared that you might" he slides down next to me "I can assure you that, that won't happen and besides your different you give me this crazy feeling and I just know your the girl for me and I don't have the heart to break yours" I sigh wiping my tears "I just think she doesn't deserve to apologize to you" I shrug " I know but I think it would be only fair to hear her out I'll let her get this off her chest I know what it's like to have a lot to say and the person won't speak to you" I immediately think about Matthew and how I just went crazy at him.

"I broke up with her over text message and even looking bag at it thought it was childish I might as well just set everything straight. I'm not asking for us to be friends but I'm not going to act like we don't have history" I reach over and hug him burying my face in his neck. I was crying because I knew that Matthew would never do the same for me. I never understood why he did what he did . Why he left me or why he waited so long to tell me . "If it makes you feel better you can come when I go to talk to her" I shake my head " no, it's bad enough you moved on its going to be too much if you brought me along I don't want her to feel uncomfortable" I whisper laying back with my eyes closed trying to collect my thoughts. "Okay babe whatever you want" he press his lips against my forehead.

I feel like I'm going to lose it I don't like when I have so much going through my head all at once I feel a migraine coming on and I groan in annoyance. "You okay?" I look over seeing Shawn fiddle with the elevator . "Yea I'm okay" I sigh getting up. The elevators at 12 and I quickly push 14. Shawn give me a confused look "Im sleeping in my room tonight I just need to get my head clear" he looks a little hurt "do you want me to go with you ?" "No I'm fine" I say. He shakes his head "okay" the elevator stops and before I walk out he pulls me back leaning in and before his lips can press mines I turn my face so he kisses my cheek. I quickly Pull away walking out the elevator.

-2 Am
I can't sleep to save my life. My mind is everywhere but where it needs to be. My hand has been tempted to push the call button for Matthew. I wanted to call and ask him if we could talk but I know there was no hope in that he wouldn't want too. But then again I never know unless I try but I don't have the courage too. The last time he called it was his boyfriend   Who tried to explain to me but I didnt want to hear it I just hung up. I never told Shawn because I didn't want that to bother him.

I sigh getting out of bed pulling out a box out of my bag that I haven't used in a while. I sat on the balcony and pulled out one of the sticks. I lit it up inhaling the toxic. I know it's not good for me nothing is that's why I do it. It's easing the pain in my head. I hear a knock at my door shit. I through my cigarette off the balcony .
I run back into the room and throw off my shirt changing into another one. Spraying a little perfume. I open the door and I see Shawn. "Hey" I say and he walks right pass me laying on the bed. I close the door walking over to him. "You okay" I ask running my fingers through his hair. "No I'm worried" "about....?" "About you" he lifts his head up looking at me. I sigh annoyed rolling my eyes "I'm fine Shawn" "no your not I can tell" I groan laying next to him "can we just drop it please we have a flight in 3hrs".

"I don't like when you have things on your mind" he sighs flipping us over so he's on top. I shrug he leans closer "you smell like cigarettes" he raised a brow pressing his lips to mine quickly "you taste like them too Have you been smoking?" I bite my lip turning my face "Sam you can't smoke cigarettes  they aren't good for you" I mentally punch myself in the eye. How could I forget to rinse. "I know but I only smoke then when I need to clear my mind I don't do it everyday" "it doesn't matter" I frown as he scowls me searching the room for them. "Where are they?" "Shawn dont" "I'm not going to let you kill yourself by using them your going to mess up your beautiful voice" he walks to the balcony and I run up in front of him blocking . " let's just go to bed please" I beg and he stares at me for a while "Okay" I sigh  that was easy until I started walking to the bed and I realized that Shawn wasn't beside me. He was on the balcony and he found them on the table. "Shawn!" I try to reach for them but he's holding them above his head now. "Please Shawn don't" I beg "give me one reason why I shouldn't throw them off this balcony" And I think hard for one "because it takes the pain away" but something was different about the way It came out. It meant more then what I intended. I felt my eyes watering i am so tired of crying though. He placed the box down and pulled me into a hug.

-

We are on the plane on our way to Minnesota our last stop in the U.S before we go to Europe. I sit on the private jet laying on shawns shoulder. "Hey you two don't forget we need to record a song as soon as we touch down" Emily reminds us before walking back to her seat. I feel sick I still have a head ache and I feel like shit. Didn't bother to straighten my hair or anything I have on sweats and a hoodie and I have my Starbucks. Shawn is scribbling in his book and just as I was drifting off to sleep he placed his book in front of me "you don't have to worry about it I just finished it" I took the book reading the lyrics and I looked over at him as he started strumming the song on his guitar.

She would not show that she was afraid,
But being and feeling alone was too much to face,
Though everyone said that she was so strong,
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on,

But she knew that she would be okay,
So she didn't let it get in her way,

Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much,

She would always tell herself she could do this
She would use no help it would be just fine
But when it got hard she would lose her focus
So take my hand and we'll be alright

And as he Sang to me I paid attention to the lyrics. Pulling him into a hug when the song was over everyone on the jet applauded us. "Thank you Shawn" I whisper "your welcome babe".
This chapter is for you mom Handwritten1998  😂