Bad Reputation (Shawn Mendes) complete

Chapter 63:

He turns to look at me .
I get side track staring into his eyes this is the longest we've made eye contact.

I look away quickly . "Um can we talk?" I ask playing with my hair trying to distract myself.

"Yea if that's what you want" he says nervously standing up .

"Come inside it's getting chilly " I say walking into the kitchen leaving the door open behind me.

Soon after he follows and I'm sitting on the stool while he is opposite the island leaning against the table.

"I don't want an apology" I say putting that out there as I pop the cap off my wine bottle.

"I just want us to understand each other better" I fill my cup to the top.

"Is that really needed?" He points to my glass of wine

"Yes" I  close the bottle and take a seat.
We sat in silence for a few minutes and I finish my first cup.

"I don't know how we got to this point" I focus on my drink not making eye contact

"I honestly don't know either " he frowns looking over at me. I finally looked up

Even sad and frustrated he still looked handsome as ever

"I don't want to coparent anymore I actually want to try and be a family"

My heart began to race "Shawn" I sigh not wanting to talk about this anymore

"Please  just hear me out Samantha please I'm tired of feeling like this" his tone is serous

"And you don't think I'm not? Shawn every time we try to make this work it's ends worse than the last time" I feel my eyes burning as I chug my second glass to the very bottom and pour myself another.

"Sam we are older now we can do this I know we can no more games" he walks from around the island closer to me.

"I don't want to mess up what we have  right now " I frown

"We won't I promise I just hate being alone watching you fall in love with someone else has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I've watched them grow and another guy raise them. I don't want that anymore. I can look at you and see how mentally exhausted you are I know you are tired but you keep pushing for them . Let me help you"

I can't help but start crying I feel his arms pull me into a hug.

I am tired , exhausted dealing with my personal life public life, relationship and my children it isn't easy.

"I've missed you so much it's just hard for me to jump right back in. A lot of things have changed and been said to hurt each other. We say things that we mean when we are upset and they were very hurtful." I pull away wiping my tears.

"We say things that we also do mean when we're mad. But I mean it when I say I want to work on us. I want to be with you every second of each day. Although we moved on I haven't met someone who could ever replace you and believe me I've tried . Trying to move on made me miserable and I saw how happy you were. And I've watched how I ruined your life and made you cry. I know I pushed you away more times than I have kept you close. I admit it I was wrong and words can't express the regret I had during those times"

I watch as he pleads his heart out to me holding my hand. I sigh wiping my tears there is ALOT of emotions being laid out. I chug my third glass before he takes the bottle.

" I want you to turn to me for your problems not to drinking. I won't make you go through that I'm here for you "

I felt so emotional and very tipsy from my third glass.I need to drink out of smaller wine glasses and not fill them to the top.

"Shawn I-" I try to speak but only tears come out
I lean into his chest hugging him. Our bodies touching give me butterflies a feeling not even Dylan was able to give me every time we touch. It felt like a race of electricity he pulled me close and are hearts are both beating out of control.

We stayed like this for a while not saying anything just holding each other.

"We can try to figure everything out but we have to go slow take out time and repair the broken pieces . There's so much work that we need to do"

He tilt my chin with his finger
"That's all that I ask , we can move as slow as you need I want to make this right this time " he smiles pulling me back into a hug

"And we need to communicate, we can't run from our problems we aren't 19 anymore" I say catching him attention "if we can't talk through our problems then it isn't worth it" I say simply looking up at him as he stands from the stool.

"I promise I will communicate with you but you have to promise me something too." His face is serious

"And What's that?" I ask focused on his expression

"No more secrets, I'm serious. Secrets tear us apart ".
He frowns
"I promise " I speak softly
He lips pull into a shy smile.

"Thank you" he muffled into my hair embracing me tightly.

"Daddy?" Mel rubs her eyes walking over.

"Hi princess what's wrong?" He reaches for her

"Too loud" she pouts laying on his shoulder.

"Mommy and daddy are sorry let's go back to bed" he walks upstairs I clean up then follow behind.

I watched him tuck her into bed. This is how I've always pictured things not in this order but the same outcome.

I lean in the door way waiting for him to finish up.

He always ends up singing Melanie to sleep.
"It's getting really late I'll head out" he walks towards the stairs.

"No!" I scream and he stops suddenly

"Sorry , I mean it is late we had a very eventful day. And I know you're tired I don't want you to fall asleep behind the wheel. I think that you should just stay the night" I suggest

His eyes widen "no i meant in the guest room " I face palm myself

"It's okay I know what you meant and I'll take you up on that offer"