Through it All

Chapter 17

Several hours later at the hotel:

Cheyenne's POV

I know that I owe B an explanation but I just don't know that I can tell him. I don't know what happened neither he nor Kolby would tell me. The band has all been great with their support tonight. I am very blessed to have so many people who loved Robert and me and our kids. But I am so tired I just know that I can't go to sleep. I don't want the nightmares to come back and they will especially since Robert is gone. He is the only one who has ever quieted me down after them. My phone beeps with a text

Nate: Hey just wanted to check in with you and make sure that you are okay.
Cheyenne: Thanks for tonight I couldn't have made it through without your help. You have once again came to my rescue.
N: I told you before I'm here anytime you need me darlin
C: Thanks Nate! You are a rock !
N:  You can't avoid answering me are you okay?
C: Yeah I'm fine
N: Do I need to come to you? I know that it's late but I know that you are not fine. Just give me the word baby
C: Thank you but I am fine Nate. Please don't call me baby. I am tired and think I'm gonna lay down. Tomorrow is going to be tough and I need to sleep.
N: okay but if you need me just call. I will be there after all that is what friends are for. Night girl.
C: Night

I've got to get some rest. Ace is staying with his friend tonight since he has school and then the funeral and a game tomorrow. I need to sleep but so afraid to. I actually told him about Tom before he left. My baby boy is so grown up but I told him I was fine to go. The truth is I know the nightmares will come as soon as I close my eyes and I just couldn't put him through it. It's a rough few days for a 17 year old to have to deal with. Hell its hard for a 42 year old to deal with. I just want Robert back!  B has been great help but he needs to get back to Amber. I talked to her a few minutes earlier. Something isn't right with her. I don't feel good about it at all. I'm the one who convinced B to give her another shot after Jana broke his heart. He had commitment fears and if something goes wrong with Amber, I'm afraid of what he will do. He has come so far being sober and is making a name in country music. I am so proud of him and so glad to call him my friend. He is like a sour patch kid rough on the outside but sweet on the inside. He would kill me if I said that out loud but it so describes him.
I try to lay down and as soon as I close my eyes all I see is Tom. I can't do this, maybe I can find someone who has a cigarette and a light up. I know the guys keep late hours so I will see if they are up. I guess I need to put on some clothes so I grab my BG Nation tshirt and Nike shorts although the shirt is so big you can't tell I have on shorts but I really don't care a cigarette and Mountain Dew and then maybe I can sleep. I walk down the hall after grabbing my phone and key card listening at the door the the guys rooms, finally I hear Kolby's voice and I knock on the door. Kolby opens the door with a surprised look. Hey Kolbs I was wondering if you had a extra pack of cigarettes I could have I will buy you another tomorrow. Sorry Chey I don't have one but let me ask the guys. Wait Kolbs is B in there? No Chey he's in his room talking to Amber why? Well I didn't want him to know it was me looking for cigarettes because the he would ask a ton of questions that I'm not ready for. Okay Cheyenne let me ask, hey guys anyone got an extra pack of smokes and lighter? Ben yeah man I do why?Kolby told him to bring it to him. Ben walks up and I grab them and said thanks and take off downstairs and out by the pool.
As I go outside by the pool I can see the moon and stars and I sit down in the dark and light up a cigarette just thinking about how life sucks sometimes and how it is amazing others. My emotions are all over the place and I am in my own world that I don't hear someone else come up. I only notice the smell of a cigarette and I look around and realize that it is B. He hasn't spotted me yet cause I am in the corner and partially hidden. He starts playing and singing and I just sit and listen to him figure out See you Again for Robert. When he stops I light another cigarette and clap. You can tell I have startled him so I stand up so he can see me.