The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

David I: 2014

As you now know, that night of my 16th birthday party, he slept over. Yes, Cozella fans, keep squealing, because you're gonna get emotional.

It was 1am. Our eyes were tired but our minds were not, and we just kept talking. Slowly, but we kept talking. I was laying closest to the wall, on my stomach, and he was laying on the other side facing me. Both of us had our eyes shut, and were mumbling to eachother.

At one point in time, I had grumbled, "My back itches, and I'm to tired." I dug my face into my pillow, still self concious about just laying here next to him. And to my suprise I felt him reach over to help me out, and it felt good.
Quietly, and sleepily, and the only way I could thank him, I murmered, "mmmmm."

"You like this?" he asked. "Feel good?"
"Mmm-hmm" I mumbled softly.
"Good... because I can do this whenever you want. Just to you."

A silence bit the air. I scrunched my eye brows and opened my eyes. He was looking at me and I studied his expression. He looked sincere.

A few more seconds of silence, and I broke it with a shakey, and much-more-awake, voice, "Did-Did you just ask m-me out?"

He nodded. My eyes widened, and I blushed in the darkness furiously, "Are-Are you sure? Did-Did you really?? Really???"

I pushed myself up into a sitting position, staring at him in disbelief.

He laughed queitly, and he nodded again. My lungs stopped, and I just lurched at hip and wrapped my arms around him. I squeezed. I couldn't believe it. There was NO way I was sleeping tonight. So I didn't, and I told him that same thing. So I invited to play a videogame, but he said he'll just watch. I played for a few minutes, but I stopped to look at him, and I flashed a smile.
"You know, you still haven't given me an answer," he joked.
I rolled my eyes with a smile. "I thought the squeal and hug would have been answer enough," I chuckled. "Plus, you didn't actually asked!"
He huffed, laughing at me. "Will you go out with me?" he asked boldly.
Shaking my head, I said yes, and went back to bed, hugging him.

The rest of the night, we spent talking about things that I don't remember. I layed on his chest for a bit, and before we knew it it was 7am. We were dead tired, and of course Collin stopped in. We talked for a bit, and we told him we were up all night talking, and we wanted to sleep. And we did. We slept for 3 hours, and then he had to go home.

Over the next few weeks we would hang out, and relax. And finally, we had our first kiss.

He'd pinned me down in a tickling war, which I definately lost. He was hovering over me, next to my bed, on the floor.

"So tell me," he started slyly. "How badly do you want to kiss me?" He was about a foot away from my face.

"On a scale from one to ten, it's a solid eight." I answered. I was blushing maddly. He got closer to me.

6 inches away, he questioned me. "Oh really? A solid eight?"

"Ten." I spat. No question about it.
"That's what I was thinking," He got closer. 3 inches away, "Me too."
We kissed. And I couldn't breath. The blush was going out of control, and heven when he pulled away, I followed. I didn't want it to end.

We shared a few more kisses after that too. They all made my heart skip enough to make me feel like I ran miles.

We were lying on my bed, I was lower than he was. And I told him about how that night, I had went to bed with my fuzzy pants on. And I'd woken up with one , JUST ONE, of my legs out of my pants. I laughed, it was just so bizzare.

He joked, "You're not cheating on me with another man, hmm?" his finger traced my jawline to my chin, making me look up at him.

Being serious, I looked him straight in the eye. "Never."
He knew that though. I was cheated on 3 times. I could never inflict that pain. He came down to me, pressed his lips on mine, and said "good".

Embarrasingly, we were caught once. But it wasn't much of a suprise really.

It was after a long day, almost 11pm, and I was walking him out the door. When we hugged goodbye, I nuzzled closer and shyly said, "I love you."
He pulled back, and touch my nose with his. Gazing into my eyes, he repeated it back and kissed me. Our first kiss in 'public'. Not behind closed doors.
Mom came up and saw. "Eww!" She joked. "When's the wedding??"
She laughed, he laughed, and I burried my blushing face into his shoulder.

Things were perfect. A week or two had passed blissfully.

Things were awfully quiet on the ride home. No music. No talking. Silence...
We got to my house, and I was told to do dishes. He helped. I said, "Is there something wrong...?" He sighed. "I thinking about something." My stomach churned.... I was certain I knew what it was. And about 25 minutes later, I was right. Five word hit me and crushed my aching heart. I think we're just friends, he said. And after a cracked conversation littered with uncertaintly and guilt, he'd left. I ended up crying for what seemed like ages on the edge of my bed, up until my mother came home. I had no words, just tears. She rubbed my back and said her favorite words. "Boys are stupid."

I cried the morning after when I got to school. I was quiet all day. Everytime I saw him, I cried. I realised that I had to give myself a mental health day. It was too much; I stayed home the day after.
A couple of months had passed by, and I was doing better. We were doing better. We became friends once more. It was a little shakey, like a newborn deer. But we still stuck through, and we were close again.

I was able to smile. Even if was a feeble one, it was at least there.
Keep Smiling.
~Sharpie